Nesting

It's official. I'm in full nesting mode. Which for me means that I've got about 10 different projects only about 1/2 way done. It also means that I'm going, going, going from morning to night. And all of that means that I'm driving my husband crazy. First of all the house is a mess because of the things I've started and my husband is a guy who really needs time to unwind and recharge his batteries. Unfortunately, he finds it hard to relax when I'm in whirling dervish mode. I'd take a photo of the pile of empty plastic storage bins laying around our family room and the stacks of baby/kid clothes and toys that were in them and are now being sorted, but I'm too embarrassed by the mess. On the bright side, with trips to the local kids consignment store and Goo.dwill this weekend, I got rid of about 6 shopping bags worth of stuff. Plus I have several more that the consignment store won't take until summer, but at least it's bagged and ready to go.

This weekend I bought a new crib skirt, some crib sheets, and a changing pad cover. Though right now everything is just piled in the crib. We have some drywall work and painting that needs to be done in the nursery and my husband is in the process of finding a contractor. I hope it happens soon, because I'm getting antsy and would love to have the room looking more like a nursery than a trash dump. The next big project will be figuring out where to put my daughter's easel and all her art supplies. Might not sound like a big deal, but I'm talking about a full-size easel and an entire one of these and several of these

filled with arts and crafts supplies. I know I should probably get rid of most of it, as she doesn't even use the stuff often. But I keep thinking that "next year" she might get interested and it seems like such a waste to get rid of it.

Hopefully soon I'll be able to post a picture of a sweet looking nursery.

Unexpected

I got in to my office at 7:30 this morning and saw that my message light was on. "Oops" I thought -- I often forget to check my voicemail regularly when I work from home as I did yesterday. I hoped it wasn't something time sensitive. I played the message and it was from someone at the Perinatal Practice (that I was at YESTERDAY) asking me to call back about my c-section they've scheduled me for on May 8th!

Although I knew the plan was for a c-section at 38 weeks and just last night I was thinking that I ought to ask them about it at my appointment in 2 weeks, I still feel like May is pretty far away. I guess I better face the fact that it's going to be here before I know it.

Never A Dull Moment

Just as I was feeling a bit more comfortable with how easy things seemed to be going with this pregnancy the universe decided it was a good time to remind me that I have no control and anything can happen.

I went in for what was going to be a completely routine appointment. Pee in a cup, weight check, blood pressure check, quick check on the ultrasound* to make sure everything's ok, and then out the door. The appointment started off well enough. I only had to wait about 10 minutes in the waiting room. I peed in the cup, hopped on the scale, got my blood pressure checked, and then only waited about 2 minutes for the doctor to come in for the ultrasound. She asked how I was feeling, started the scan, and said the fluid looked good. Then she looked a bit more, and more, and then said that she wanted to send me over to the hospital where the same group of doctors run a high risk testing center.** She told me that in one view she thought she might have seen evidence of a cleft lip, but she couldn't really tell because the baby's hand was in front of his mouth. She looked a bit more and then said that now she wasn't seeing it, but she wanted to be sure. I managed to remain calm while she called the testing center and arranged for them to see me.

Fortunately the hospital is only about a 5 to 10 minute drive away, so I made it there quickly. Unfortunately, since I was not an expected appointment I had to wait over an hour before they fit me in. The ultrasound tech was nice and kept commenting on how cute it was that the baby was sucking his thumb and yawning. I had to bite my lip not to scream "WHO CARES! JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE!" Of course the little stinker still had his hand in front of his face, so it took her quite awhile to get what she needed. Finally she seemed to get what she needed and, without a word about the baby's palate, asked me to go back to the waiting room until the doctor could see me. I went back to the waiting room assuming the worst and willing myself not to cry.

About 15 minutes later they finally called me back and the doctor asked why the doctor from the office had sent me over. UGH, I tried to calmly tell him while thinking to myself what did they think they were looking for on the scan if they didn't know why I was there! Anyway, he pulled up the pictures on his computer and showed me the shots of the nose, lip, chin, and palate and then told me that everything looked fine to him. As he filled out the paperwork for checkout he even told me that he was circling "suspected anomaly" because that's why I was there, not because there IS one. I thanked him, handed my paper to the office staff, walked out of the testing center, turned the corner, walked into the phone booth and burst into tears. Then I called my husband to fill him in on the morning's drama. Of course just then my cell phone battery started going. I caught my breath and got to the car where I could plug in my phone. Finished filling my husband in and we both heaved huge sighs of relief. I called my mom to fill her in because I knew she was waiting to hear about the appointment. Then I called one of my closest friends who just recently had a Downs scare after her NT scan (turns out everything is fine) and we commiserated on stressful pregnancies. Only then did I finally feel like my blood pressure was back down and I could breath normally again. And then I treated myself to lunch!

Now I know that there are a lot worse things that we could have to deal with than a baby with a cleft palate. And I know that we are incredibly fortunate to have a healthy daughter and to be 24 weeks along in this pregnancy with the worst thing to happen being this morning's scare. But still, I'd like to be done with the drama. I think that a placental abruption, pre-term birth, and 4-week NICU stay, multiple miscarriages, 3 1/2 years of infertility with associated surgeries and treatments, and now nightly injections of lovenox is drama enough. I would really, really like to be bored for the next 14 weeks.



*One benefit of being a patient with a high risk practice is getting an ultrasound at every appointment.

**In fact, about 1/2 of my appointments are at the testing center at the hospital. They seem to only have a skeleton crew staff their "regular" office.

24 weeks down; 14 to go

I can hardly believe that yesterday I hit the 24 week mark. I'm happy to have made it this far. I'm happy that several times yesterday it felt like the Bumblebee was doing gymnastics or judo in my belly -- very reassuring! BUT, I still feel like I have soooo long to go. Right now I feel like I will only be able to heave a sigh of relief once I make it to 30 weeks. Not that I want to have a 30-weeker mind you. Having a 32 week old was hard enough, and I really hope we make it to the 38 week mark, but still I know that if I can make it to 30 I'll feel better.

I have a routine appointment this Tuesday, so it'll be nice to get a little more reassurance that things are ok. Yesterday I bought a Gra.co car seat stroller frame at our local kids consignment shop for $25, which is exactly the thing I wanted, so I figure I just saved about $40! I also got a few more items of clothing for the Bumblebee and some for the Ladybug too. Last night I had my husband drag out about 1/3 of the giant plastic bins from the unfinished side of our basement so I could start sorting through all the old clothes and toys. We have a surprising number of items that we can use. I'd been thinking everything in the bins would be pink, but I forgot that my sister gave me a lot of hand-me-downs from my nephew that I saved just in case. Of course my nephew was born in December, so how much use we get out of much of it will depend on how big or small this baby is and whether he can fit into the clothes during the right season. I also realized how many toys we have!

Once I finish going through all the bins my next task is to start cleaning out the nursery! Yikes, the room is a mess. There's an extra box spring that I need to get rid of and TONS of my daughters art supplies. The closet is filled with off season clothes for both my daughter and myself and all of my handbags and totebags -- not sure what I'll do with all that stuff! It's a little daunting, but also a little exciting.

Baby Stuff

In case I haven't mentioned it before (but I think I have) I like to shop. Well, really I love to shop. It's probably not healthy, but it is what it is. One of the things I really enjoyed when I was pregnant with my daughter was the freedom to shop. I mean who could argue with it -- we had to have a crib and other nursery furniture and bedding and clothes and gear. This time around I've been more subdued with the spending for several reasons. First of all, the paranoia - need I say more? Secondly, while there are a few things we need because we got rid of stuff or just need to replace old stuff, we actually have much of what's necessary. We have a crib, dresser, glider, and more than enough toys. Thirdly, we're trying to save our money so that I can actually stay home with the Bumblebee for a few months after he's born.

Then again. This baby is a boy. That means we'll need new clothes, since the vast majority of the Ladybug's clothing was and is decidedly girlie. Also, while I did not go overboard with the nursery decor--it wasn't pink and it was definitely mix-and-match--it's also fairly girlie. We'll keep the wall color (pale green) and the furniture, but we definitely need new bedding and some stuff for the walls.

I've done more than a fair amount of internet window shopping for the stuff we do need, but I still can't bring myself to buy anything "big" in size or expense.
I have, however, bought a few cute outfits and stuffed animals. So far it's been enough to satisfy this shoppers soul. One of the things I recently bought was a green blanket that my daughter picked out when we were shopping together last weekend. She wanted to buy several blankets and stuffed animals, but I convinced her that we have plenty of time and didn't need to buy it all in one day! In addition, we received our first gift (aside from the few things we got from our parents at Christmas) in the mail the other day. A handmade blanket from my husband's aunt. It was such a surprise and inspired me to take some photos. So, without further ado, here are the few new items awaiting our Ben Bumblebee.


(Weird -- the walls look blue in this photo but they are really "Filmy Green")

I love the horse, take a look at his cute mane and tail.


This is the blanket my daughter picked out. The picture does not do it justice, it is soooo soft.


This is the blanket my husband's aunt made.


I love these little outfits from O.ld N.avy


I gave this to my husband at Christmas, the back says "the world needs messy people"


I was ordering some maternity stuff from the Ga.p and couldn't resist these cuties.


Bored yet? ;)

My Sweet Girl

Ok, so this is going to be the third post about my daughter and I'm sorry if it's boring as hell. But I suck at keeping a journal and at least this way I'm documenting some stuff for myself for the future. Also, while I think about this pregnancy all the time and have a running dialogue in my head of things that I could write about here, it's pretty much all the same (and even more boring)--still hard to believe it's real; kicking a lot, which reassuring; time feels at a standstill; my back hurts; my ribs hurt; will May EVER get here; blah blah blah...

Anyway, on to the actual post. I never ever thought it was possible to love anything or anybody as much as I do my kid. I'm sure almost any parent would say the same, but it really is indescribable. The funny thing is that I love my parents and I have a really good relationship with them and always have, but still I just can't wrap my brain around the idea that they feel about me the way I feel about my daughter. It's not that intellectually I don't believe it, but, well, it's weird I just can't imagine it. Which is why, when my daughter tells me that she loves me more than I love her (this is sort of silly competition we engage in constantly -- I love you XXX much...) I think to myself "no way in the world!"

The point of all that. Just to say that as much as I love her, there is also no one on this earth who can drive me crazy and frustrate me as much as my own child. She has got to be one of the most stubborn individuals I have ever met. I know that I am not a great disciplinarian (and my husband and I are working very hard these days on that aspect of our relationship with our daughter so she doesn't grow into a true spoiled brat), but while I recognize my own weaknesses as a parent, I truly truly believe that our problems with her behavior are primarily due to her strong-willed nature. (I can only hope that someday she'll apply the same stubborness that drives me crazy to her school work or a sport or something productive!)

This past Tuesday was a particularly trying day. My husband is out of town, it was a teacher workday to begin with and I was working from home so we got out of the house quite late, and then she came home early from school due to bad weather. My husband and I often refer to her as Jekyll and Hyde because her behavior is so variable, but disruptions to our regular schedule and long stretches at home never bode well for her behavior. So, I should have been prepared for it, but as the day went on I didn't handle her attitude at all well and that just made things worse. Nevertheless, in true Jekyll and Hyde style she did have some great moments and fortunately I have photos to remind myself that the day wasn't all bad. I had previously promised her that we could make a cake and surprise my husband with it when he got home from his trip. So, we made the cake and she decorated it (I helped with about 1/2 of the letters, but the rest was all her) for her daddy.



Then she made him a special welcome home picture, which might just be one my favorite pictures of hers ever and she draws A LOT!



And of course the best part of any day with her is bedtime. Prepping for bed may not always be the best, but our regular routine includes snuggle time once the lights are out. She will even forgo stories or dessert if we're running late so that we can have our snuggle time. Sometimes, if she's not too sleepy, snuggle time includes talking and laughing and silliness, but last night she was sleepy and so she curled up right next to me and was quiet except for frequently telling me "mommy I love you". No better way to end a day than that!

Fashion Sense

One thing I look forward to with this new baby is the chance (for a few years at least) to have control over what he wears. I miss the days of picking cute outfits out for my daughter. Not so much because I'm a control freak, but because the outfits she picks out for herself are crazy. Much as I try to buy a lot of her clothes in complimentary colors and styles, she manages to put the craziest outfits together most days. My husband and I long ago decided that so long as what she wears is weather appropriate it's not a fight worth getting into. (However, when she's older and wants to wear some tummy revealing shirt with a micromini that will all change!) So here I present to you so photos of her in the outfit she choose to wear to a birthday party last weekend. Now keep in mind that we wouldn't let her wear the dress-up dress or the cape to school, but in terms of the overall composition and effect, the outfit doesn't differ much from many that she wears to school.