Beautiful Boy

So Ben is a bit of bruiser. He's a big boy and he's strong, VERY physical, and he wants what he wants when he wants it! But he still has a real baby face and at just over 2 he really is still just a baby -- a baby boy that is.

Around 18 months he developed a deep love of vehicles. He loves his trains, cars, trucks, firetrucks, and buses. Long ago I lost count of firetrucks in our house. Whenever he hears a siren he screams "firetuck" and the sight of any bus is met with a joyful announcement of "skoobus!" We live near the fire station and every time we drive or walk by he makes sure I notice the firetrucks and ambulances.

He recently discovered his sister's Peter Pan CD and now every time we get in the car he says "wanna lissena Penna Pan". So I've been listening to A LOT of Peter Pan lately -- seriously, I could probably recite most of the damn thing at this point.

He is still quite the mama's boy. He really wants me most of the time. He wants to be held and carried often and he also likes it when he can sit on my lap during meals. He's kind of bossy about it too. His way of "asking" to sit with me is "Momma sit Ben!"
Gawd - I managed to give birth to two really bossy kids! I sort of miss the short daddy-phase when he wanted daddy at least as often as he wanted me. Don't get me wrong. I know that I should enjoy the kids' desire for mom while I have it and he is one snuggly little bear - but since Lucy's ALWAYS been a mommy's girl, the pressure of both of them wanting me and only me can get tiring. And of course it's frustrating for my husband too.

Right now our big challenge is to cure him of biting and hitting. Starting a few months ago he really started fighting when he's not getting want he wants. When he decides he's not in the mood for a diaper change (most of the time) or for a tooth brush it's a miserable battle.

Unfortunately, he's in a classroom with a lot of other boys and many of them also bit. In fact about 2 months ago they were having so much trouble with the 6 biters that all the parents got called in for meetings. And it was a problem, over the course of the previous couple of months if we weren't getting incident reports saying he bit someone we were getting one because he been bit or scratched. The meeting was relatively benign, the teacher just wanted to let us know the strategies they planned on using in the classroom and, I think, to make sure the parents would all do what they could at home to help curb the aggressive behavior.

It all seemed to be working. After the meeting we had nearly eight weeks when he was biting much less frequently at home and we didn't receive any incident reports from school. Unfortunately last week he bit 1 kid twice and another kid once in 2 days. Nothing since then, but the teacher still wants to meet about it. We were supposed to meet today but she got sick, so it'll be postponed until next week. Big Sigh! Everyday when I pick him up I can feel myself getting anxious as I get closer to his room - just hoping that there won't be a report in his bag. It's so sad when you are actually relieved that your kid was bit instead of the one doing the biting!

Life goes on

Once again I see that the time has flown and I've been remiss about updating here. Work calls, or the kids, or the house, or sleep.

In general, we are busy, tired, but good. I quit the therapy sessions because I just didn't feel like I was getting enough out of it for the money. I've been so busy with work and home stuff the past few months I haven't even had much time to think about it all, but I know at some point I'll need to revisit the issues that drove me there in the first place. At the same time I have to say that life is pretty good and I can't (or at least I shouldn't) complain.

Ben has entered the "terrible twos" with a vengeance. The hitting and tantrums are tiresome, but he's so cute he charms the pants off of everyone. He's picking up words at a rapid pace right now, though he's still far behind where his sister was (verbally that is) at the same age, so we are keeping a watchful eye (or ear in this case) on things. I seem to have been blessed with two really strong-willed kids. Everyone told me that he'd surely be more mild-mannered than his big sis, but so far he seems to be following right along in her stubborn footsteps.

He regressed a lot with regard to bedtime and sleeping through the night from November until last week! But I think we're over the worst of it and the past week he's gone down well and slept through the night. Thank goodness!

Ben loves to be read to and will hand me a book and say "sit" if I'm standing up. Sometimes he'll just say "read, read, read". He just discovered "Where the Wild Thing Are" and now walk around roaring. He says "tchoo tchoo twain". He'll eat almost anything, when he's in the mood to eat that is. He wants to be with his sister always and for some reason only seems to want me when he wakes up at 5:30am. I suspect this is just fine with my husband.

My Lucy is more of the same. Still reads constantly and still struggles with math. She takes ballet and tap. She also plays soccer and swims. She would like to add in piano, drama, art, and other styles of dance, but of course there aren't enough hours in the day. She has two really good friends. Three is a tough number for friends, but they seem to handle it well enough. We've sent her to and hosted many sleepovers this year. I think we need fewer, they never get enough sleep and then she's a cranky mess. But they love to be together and even after 24 hours will complain when its time to go home.

She is still a great big sister, but more often wants to be left alone. We understand but its sad to see Ben stand outside her door and cry. Luckily he can usually be distracted by a book or a song.

As for the grownups in the family. We are currently in the planning stages of building a new house. We'll be building on our own lot, which means packing up and moving twice. The financing is tight, even for a relatively modest new home, so I'm alternately excited and terrified. There are so many variables and so many decisions and I already have a full plate; it's very stressful. Plus, to be honest, I know we're lucky to be able to do anything, but we'll do this exactly once in our lifetimes, and its a little disappointing to be compromising so much on what we want so that we can afford to do it at all. I do try to remember that no matter what it will be a huge step up from what we have right now. If I can just survive the process!

And that ends the update portion of today's post. In possibly more fun news, after talking about it for years, we finally hired a professional photographer to take some family photos back in October. (Wow, I really can't believe that was 3 1/2 months ago already.) Here are some of my favorites.

6 1/2 years

That's the difference in ages of my children. I've spent a fair amount of time during the past 5 years bemoaning the fact that my children would not be closer in age. Even after I got pregnant with Ben and, yes, even since he's been born I've spent time thinking about and feeling frustrated about this. Of course, I truly am grateful to even have had a second. There was time that I feared Lucy would be an only child. There was a time when it looked most likely that we would add to our family via international adoption and then our kids would have been even farther apart in age. But truly, despite all my angst about it, the age difference between Lucy and Ben has been in some ways a blessing.

Lucy and Ben adore each other. Nothing makes my heart sing like watching her read to him or listening to her make him laugh. Sure she is and will continue to be very motherly to him. Hopefully he won't resent it too much as he get's older, but right now he just lights up around her. Also, to be frank, he is a handful and I feel every minute of my 41 years, so having Lucy be relatively more self sufficient is wonderful. Not only does she not need the same level of care, but she actually helps out with Ben a lot. She'll play with him so I can take a quick shower or throw some laundry in the washer or cook dinner. She reads to him and plays silly games that make him laugh out loud.

One downside is that Lucy has a lot of activities and Ben is hard to take out, so we often divide and conquer. This means that we don't go out too often as a family, but right now it's what works best for us. Also, I know that it's not forever, once he’s older and a little easier to handle we'll do more things together. Another benefit is that we're not trying to get two kids to a bunch of different activities. Lucy participates in a lot (probably too many) activities and I can imagine the additional logistics that would be required if we had to get Ben to practices or games too.

I used to worry a lot about what kind of relationship Lucy and Ben would have with 6 1/2 years between them, but my and my husband’s families are good examples that years apart don't dictate how well you get along with your siblings. My sister and I are 4 years apart and we’re not super close, but we get along well and talk frequently. My husband is 2 years younger than his sister and 2 years older than his brother and none of them ever talk to each other. They put up with each other once or twice a year at holidays and that’s it. So I see firsthand that being close in age doesn’t mean kids will grow up to be close. Also, a former roommate of mine was 6 years older than her brother and they were very close.

So while I still struggle sometimes with lingering feelings of anger and self pity and envy leftover from the years of infertility and treatment, I'm pretty OK with the difference in age of my kids.

The Yellow Brick Road

No clever subtext to the title, I just finally got Lucy to watch The Wizard of Oz with me. I bought the DVD over a year ago, but she refused to watch it with me. I don't remember how it came up last week, but she suggested that we watch it over the weekend. On Saturday afternoon, we made some popcorn and hot chocolate and curled up on the couch and watched it. And she loved it! She's been singing We're Off to See the Wizard all week. Sometimes it really is the little things that remind us how good life is.

Just another day.

Today I turn 41.

Can't quite believe how fast it got here.

I wish I were more content with my life these days, but I'm working on it.

Still seeing the therapist, but I'm not sure if I'll keep it up. I like her, but I feel like I just complain about the same things week after week. But I won't quit trying to feel better.

Not that it's all bad mind you. Much is very good and I'm so lucky in so many ways. I know that and it's why I'm trying hard to figure out how to enjoy it all more.

So happy birthday to me. I plan to make this next year better than ever!

18 months!!!

Holy Moly. I feel like it was just yesterday that I was still home on maternity leave, and the day before that I was on bedrest in the hospital for what seemed like an eternity, and the day before that I was living life in that perpetual dark cloud that is infertility. Yet somehow here we are nearing the end of 2010, and I'm nearing the end of the year in which I call myself "40", and now (as of a week ago) when people ask how old my son is I have to say 18 months!

I've got so much I'd like to be saying here, but no time or energy to sit and type it all out. Really you'd never stop hearing from me if I could just talk into a tape recorder and have it magically spit out here.

But I wanted to take a few moments to say a few words about my baby. My baby who is not so much of a baby anymore. Though he seems like a baby still in so many ways, one of which is his love of the bottle. He's been using sippy cups exclusively at daycare since he turned one, but I just didn't have the heart to take away his bottles at home because he loves them so.
But about a week and a half ago, almost by accident, we skipped the bottle one morning and then I thought hmmm? maybe he's ready. So I just gave him sippy cups at dinner and in the morning and he was fine. He did wake up in the middle of the night one night and nothing but a bottle would calm him. Two nights later and the same thing happened. Basically over the course of 8 days he had 2 bottles total, both in the middle of the night. Then the cold he's had got worse and he's getting 4 teeth in and a couple of nights ago he was up all night and nothing (not even Mommeeeeeee!) would calm him but a bottle and he drank 3 throughout the night. And that one night set us back. The next night and again in the morning he cried when I tried to give him a sippy cup (though I think the cold is still really bothering him, plus he got a couple of immunizations and a flu shot a few days ago). Last night we didn't give him bottle and he did fine. So I'm sure he'll be off them for good soon. I know the time is right, but it's also one more step away from his babyhood and that makes me a little sad.

There are other things that still make him seem more baby than boy. The lack of words is a big one. Oh, he "talks" a lot. He's always making noise and he's got lots of animal sounds under his belt. And he can cry for "Mama" or "Mommeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" in ways that both make my heart sing and break depending on the reason for the call. But at this age his sister was using complete sentences and Ben's list of words is relatively short and his pronunciation is nowhere near as clear as his sister's was. Thus we get what seems like a lot of grunting followed by frustration and crying because it's hard to figure out what he wants much of the time. One word he says often is "more" and it's always accompanied by the sign for more and it's too darn cute. He's as likely to ask for more books or tickles as he is for more food. He also says "owl" with the emphasis on the "ow" part and he loves dogs, which he calls "buppies". Though many furry things are called "buppies" including all of his sisters Zhu Zhu pets, which he loves!


He is, of course, a toddler and we recently got rid of the high chair and moved a small table into the kitchen for him. Of course sometimes he likes to climb the table or push it around the kitchen, but it still is safer than the highchair, which he pulled over on top of himself one day and he would always try to climb out of it.
Here's my big boy at his table.

Eating a plum


He has recently discovered stuffed animals and particular loves the buppies. He'll grab them and hold them up to his cheek. He's also started to chew on them, just like his big sister did. No pacifiers or thumbs for my kiddos, pass the stuffed animals or blankets please.

In addition to stuffed animals, he loves real ones. Anytime we see a dog he wants to hug it and he often tries to hug our cats.
They cats just barely tolerate Ben and they usually run away from him, but he never gives up.

We took the kids to one of the many fall festivals around here a few weekends ago and Ben made friends with a calf.


He also had fun posing for some photos

and playing with his big sister.




He loves to be read to and will bring us books to be read. He has a few favorites. Brown Bear, Brown Bear; Polar Bear, Polar Bear; Sheep in a Jeep, to name a few. Whenever a grandparent visits he needs a little time to warm up, the best way into his heart is through books. If you start reading he'll come right over. Also, if he's having a tantrum about something often I can just start reading a book and he'll come over and quiet right down.

Ben loves to go down the slide on the playground at his school.
In fact, I learned the hard way that I need to take the "long way" around to our car when I pick him up in the evening, otherwise we need to walk through the playground and he has a fit if I don't let him go down the slide a dozen times. Of course, the long way takes us past the big kids playground where there are often many balls laying around and then OMG, the wriggling to try and get down and get to the balls kills me. But if I try to let him walk... well, hahahahahahaha! Which reminds me that "ball" is another one of the words we hear all the time. He's just a little obsessed.

Ben is 100% boy. I hate the stereotype, but he really is hardwired in the stereotypical way. He loves anything with wheels and recently discovered the joy of trains! My parents gave him a train table as an early Christmas present and at the same time brought up all my nephews old trains. When my mom opened the big bin of trains and accessories it was if angels started to sing. He walked right over and then sat down and played for about an hour. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes.

On the downside, we can't keep him off the darn table!


You've never seen a happier kid than when he's kneeling on driver's seat of my car with his hands on the steering wheel.
A couple of weekends ago we went to visit the fire station. It's hard to describe the joy, so I'll show you.




He kicked a soccer ball all the way down the sideline before his sister's soccer game the other day and had all the parents oohing and aahing. He loves to throw balls, and really anything else for that matter. He also loves to wrestle and tackle. Unfortunately he also hits a lot. If I had a dollar for every time I've said "gentle hands" I'd be rich. He's still the cutest incarnation of a Tasmanian Devil that I've ever seen. He's also almost 30 pounds and 34 inches tall (90th percentile across the board). He physically wears me out. My parents and I took the kids out to dinner one day last week when they were visiting and mid-way through the meal I was literally dripping with sweat with the effort of chasing and restraining Ben. But I couldn't love the little guy more. He makes us all laugh, keeps us on our toes (literally), warms our hearts and lights up our lives!

All's Well

I know, I know, I suck at this blogging stuff. I didn't mean to leave you all hanging and I'm sorry. I've just been unbelievably busy and can barely find time to read anything much less post here. Anyway... I'll try to write a proper post soon, but for inquiring minds the followup mammogram was more of the same. They reported that they see an area that is "likely" benign but want me to come back in for another mammogram in 6 months. Nobody seems concerned and so I was ok with things (still am really). Nevertheless I am going in for a second opinion of sorts on Monday. My OB called me and said that whenever a patient is asked to do a repeat mammogram in less than a year she offers a referral to a practice of specialists. I figure better safe than sorry, so I called and on Monday I'm heading to the Center for Breast Health to see what they think.

Have got lots more to say, but I'm tired and I'm going jogging with a friend in the morning, so nighty night all.

And thanks to all who checked in on me and for all the care and concern -- you all seriously warm my heart!