milestones

Oh my -- I started this post back on Jan 20th. New proof that I suck at this whole blogging thing. I could blame it on the baby, but really I wasn't all that much better before he came along. But the reason for the post was to document a milestone. The day I started writing he was 39 weeks and 1 day. If counting by the day of month he hit the 9 month mark the following day, but if counting by weeks it was the day before. Either way, I can't believe my baby is 9 months (now 9 months and a few weeks!) old.

He had an uneventful appointment with the doctor. Only 1 vaccination and he only cried for a second. He weighed in at 23 1/2 lbs and is at the 90th percentile for his weight. He's 29+ inches = 80th percentile for height. His big sis was only 16 pounds, 5 oz at 9 months, so the ache in my back and arms is NOT in my head.

Little man is crawling all over the place and pulling himself up on anything that he can grab. I don't know if it's a boy thing or a coincidence, but he's already into things that his sister never even noticed. For instance, he'll go after and try to chew on any electrical cord within reach and shoes. He also is fascinated with the vacuum cleaner, the CD player in his room, and his humidifier. I just spent a ridiculous sum of money on a play yard which will take up probably half of our upstairs living space, but there's no way around it. There's no good way to keep him contained and even if there were, there's not a really good baby safe space in our house. Now if only it will stop snowing so that the play yard can get here.

The little guy exhausts me because he doesn't sleep well, and he exhausts me because now that he's mobile I can't take my eyes off of him, but he's damn cute and I really can't get enough of him.

More Photos

Feeling the need to share a little cuteness. I'm feeling a bit better than I was yesterday, but I do have a few posts on things floating around in my head. Hope to get some of it typed out but that would require time (hahahahaha!).

On a more positive note I'll provide a few Ben updates. He now has 5 teeth (good for biting mom!) and is army crawling all over the place. He hasn't figured out how to get his legs in on the action, but he can pull himself all the way across a room with just his arms. His favorite food is plain yogurt. He's getting picky about other food and sometimes I have to dip it in yogurt to get him to eat it. He doesn't really like much with any texture yet, but he does seem to like the baby puffs -- if only he could get them in his mouth! I tried some mashed (but not pureed) banana the other day and he made the ugliest little face and then gagged and threw up all over me.

After not noticing them for almost 8 months, Ben has finally discovered the cats. He is obsessed and lunges towards them whenever he sees them. He also will twist himself almost completely around in the highchair to get a look at them.

Lucy is still 7 going on 17. Within a span of 10 minutes she can be begging to sit on my lap, hugging me and kissing me and then stomping around with such an attitude. She told me the other day "mommy, you just don't get it!" Sheesh, I thought I'd have a few more years before I got that kind of BS thrown at me. ;)

On the bright side she still adores Ben, and I'm pretty sure that she is his favorite person. He just squeals whenever she's around.

Without further ado here are some more photos from the past couple of months.

At Thanksgiving trying to get some good Christmas card photos.






Playing with the box is more fun than playing with the toys




Playing in the snow in front of the "clubhouse" her grandfather built her




A closeup from Christmas break

Trying

to cheer myself up. I could go on and on about all the things that are bothering me right now, but instead I'll post some things here that always put a smile on my face -- hope they bring one to yours too. One of the things I love about Ben's daycare center is that they routinely take lots of photos of the kids and send them out. These are all from his daycare center. The first and last are my favorites. He just looks so skeptical of Santa in the first, and in the last just so happy.

Tired

Tons of thoughts swirling in my head, but I can't ever find the time or energy to get them out.

Am tired and sad. Love the kids and am sooo grateful for them. I know I'm just damn lucky to have them, much less a home, a job, health insurance, healthy family, etc. But I'm dissatisfied. This is not how I envisioned my life. Too busy, too little time with the kids, no time for myself, no time to spend with my husband. I know a lot of this is coming from a place of sheer exhaustion. Ben still isn't sleeping particularly well and I'm averaging 4 to 5 interrupted hours of sleep a night. Also something set me off today that is so stupid I can't bring myself to say what it is, but still it's got me frustrated. I know I need to focus on what I have, but fuck it right now I just want to feel sorry for myself a bit.

I've got lots of Ben and Lucy updates and photos to post, will do it soon as that will cheer me up, but just needed to do something to get this out a bit - besides cry at my dining room table.

Thanks for listening.

While I was out...

Last night I took my daughter to a holiday craft night / bake sale / book sale at her school. My husband stayed home with the baby. When we got home at 8:15 I was surprised to see the baby still up. When I asked my husband why Ben was still up he said "I'll tell you later" in the way he does when he doesn't want my daughter to hear. I could tell something was wrong and started thinking that some family member was ill or had been in a car accident. Turns out that while changing Ben's diaper my husband turned away for a second to shoo one of the cats away from playing with the crib bumper. In that second and that small amount of space in between the dresser and my husband, Ben fell. Onto the hardwood floor. Apparently he made quite a thud. And then my husband freaked. He called the pediatrician's office and even though Ben was alert and with no visible injuries he begged them to let him bring Ben in. So they went and the doctor found nothing wrong. They told him we shouldn't let him sleep for more than 20 to 30 minutes for 4 hours just to be sure. Throughout this little trauma my daughter and I were blissfully enjoying ourselves because my cell phone battery had died. My husband was so upset that between repeated calls to my cell phone, he called my mom (a former nurse) and asked if she could drive up today to watch Ben and called his own mother. He told me later that he cried at the doctor's office, twice. He asked the pediatrician how many times a year they see things like this and her response was "a year? how about a month?". He told me that he said to the doctor "my wife is going to kill me!" (I didn't, by the way.) The doctor was so nice she actually called the house a little after I got home to check in on Ben and my husband.

I'm not sure who I feel sorrier for Ben or my husband. Ben is(was) clearly fine. Even last night when he was obviously very tired from being kept up he was in a great mood laughing at and playing with his sister. He was fine this morning and in a good mood as usual when I dropped him off at daycare. My husband however is still upset. He's called me three times already today for no other reason than he's still upset and worried.

Last night after my husband told me that he'd called my mom I realized I'd better call her back to let her know everything was ok. Good thing I did, she was clearly waiting and was obviously upset. This morning I finally turned my phone on after charging it overnight and there was a message from my mother yelling at me to turn my phone on and call her back.

Ben is fine, but I think it might take my husband and my mom a little while to get over this one.

My baby is trying to kill me.

While we're so lucky that no one in our house has been felled by any type of flu so far, Ben has had a cold for what seems like forever. It's gotten worse in the past few days. My hopes were lifted after two pretty good nights of sleep on Friday and Saturday, but the past 4 nights have been just horrific. The little guy is so congested - our nights have been spent in a semi awake haze of crying and coughing. He can barely nurse because he can't breathe through his nose and every morning his little nose is crusted over. My baby is not a great sleeper to begin with. We've been letting him cry himself back to sleep for 2 months now and, even before the cold got bad, he was still waking up quite often during the night. When we started letting the Ladybug cry when she was a baby she caught on right away, and within a couple of weeks she was sleeping through the night. Ben is clearly more stubborn that his sister - no amount of letting him cry (which, by the way, KILLS me but I KNOW he does not need to be fed every 2 to 3 hours) has convinced him to just give in, roll over and go back to sleep when he wakes up. And now with the cold I feel even more guilty letting him cry, so I've been going in to him more often. So not only am I'm trying to get by with about 4 to 5 hours of sleep a night, but once this cold is over (soon please!) we'll be back to square one with him on the sleep issues. BUT, I am grateful that he just has a cold. No fever and he's still happy and smiling when he gets up in the morning. The caregivers at his daycare tell me his is just as happy and easy as ever.

I know that I am lucky, lucky, lucky in the grand scheme. But is a little more sleep too much to ask? Good thing he's so cute... if I do say so myself. ;)
Since I'm such a shitty blogger I'll share a little cuteness to show you how the little guy is growing.

Hi Ho, Hi Ho

It's off to work... blah, blah, blah.

Yesterday was my first day back at work. Being back wasn't too bad. Ben is always happy and smiling when I drop him at daycare, but having to leave him there for 11 full hours just plain sucks.