Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Lonely

By far the primary reason that I haven't written much in the past couple of months is that I've been unbelievably busy at work. But I have to confess that I haven't really felt inspired either. In some ways a lot has been happening--adoption paperwork, tests for the new doctor, and house repairs--but in some ways I feel like nothing's happening. I realize it's the difference between doing what seems like administrative things versus actual treatment. In some ways its good, the pressure has certainly been off -- no 2 week waits, no shots, not many appointments or ultrasounds. But I also have been feeling as if I've stepped back a bit from the whole infertility world a bit. And now that I actually have the time to read a few blogs and am seeing how many people have gotten pregnant or are in the middle of a cycle I confess I feel a bit left out. And I know THIS will sound crazy, but I can't even join in the complaining about treatments or the angst over 2WWs, etc. I think I may even understand a bit the feelings those lucky ones who have found themselves pregnant express about not being sure of their place in this world. It's unfortunate that what's brought many of us together is the shared pain and frustration of infertility, but at the same time it helps create a pretty unique and powerful bond. And I get that no matter why--including the good fortune of a healthy pregnancy--to feel that bond and support system slipping away is difficult. So, I feel a bit sad that the bond seems to be slipping or weakening for me right now. I suspect that as my time frees up and I can post, read, and comment more often, I'll feel this less. In fact, just writing this post makes me feel a bit better. I guess it's a little like dating-- I just need to put myself out there more. ;)

8 comments:

Meghan said...

I know how you feel. I was all gung-ho back in early August, getting all of our testing done and really feeling like we were moving forward. And then came the wait until October. And during all of that I hated feeling like I was standing still.

Hope things settle down for you at work and you start to feel better

Shelli said...

From one lonely girl to another... I felt much of the emotion in your post as I have been feeling a little left behind as well. It's hard to believe its been 3 months since my m/c and have not even started my first cycle. Everything just seems so far off at the moment.

Thinking about you, and yes, even though many of our SIF sisters have been blessed with new pregancies, there are many of us still out here in blog world to stand together for our ultimate goal. Keep in touch!

Leah said...

You have been missed. I still include you in my regular prayers -- for strenth and patience.

I hope things slow down at work, and I hope you are able to enjoy the warm embrace of this amazing community once you start treatment and want the support again. We will most definitely be here for you. In whatever capacity you need.

LJ said...

It ebbs and flows. When I sit out a cycle, I feel like I have nothing to say, nothing to add. Even if you post once a quarter, I'd still be here to listen.

CAM said...

Sometimes is does the mind good to take a break from all the madness. Then, you'll dive back in to it again. Enjoy the mental break.
:)

passingwindows said...

Good luck with the double plans, they sound great. I would like to pursue adoption too but my husband is hesitant, and hopeful that this pregnancy bears fruit. I hope things go well and that your schedule starts to feel more natural, getting up at 5.15 sounds gruelling!

Kristen said...

I hope you can keep us updated off and on. I know how hard it is when you feel like you don't have as much going on. I get the same way. But I really am interested in your journey and I am thinking of you always.

Kathy V said...

I came via the creme. Because we are all at different point within our journey, it is easy to see how the feelings of loneliness or awkwardness can set it. I feel like I have things to write and then nothing for a couple of days depending on where I am in my cycle. People are always welcome to be here, they just need to jump back in when they are ready or able. I am hoping that things are going well since this post. Thanks again for sharing it on the Creme List.