Saturday, February 28, 2009

Hospital Day 11 and 28 Weeks

Today I hit the first milestone I hoped for the day I landed here. Today I'm 28 weeks. I know that every extra day is important. I also hope that I'll be lucky enough to be here for many more weeks, but I'm nervous and trying to be realistic. So right now, the next milestone I'm looking toward and hoping for is to make it to 30 weeks. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Friday, February 27, 2009

Sibling Rivalry

Apparently it can start even before the new sibling has arrived. My daughter has been very excited about having a baby brother and she's been worried about him since I landed in the hospital. Nenertheless, I guess there's some part of her that's beginning to realize that having another child in the family will affect the existing family dynamic, specifically my relationship with her.

My little Ladybug can be super stubborn and disobedient, but she is nothing if not affectionate. Kisses, hugs, and "I love yous" are dispensed pretty liberally in our house. Sometime in the past couple of years the Ladybug has gotten into the habit of saying to me "I love you more than anyone else" and I respond in kind. So... the other night she called me to say goodnight and when I said "I love you" she asked "do you love me more than the Bumblebee?"

Blood and Panic

For the second time in the last few days I gave myself a heart attack while drying off after my daily 10 minute shower. Both times the story was the same -- I put the rough white hospital towel down on the bathroom counter and then noticed a streak of pink across it. My heart jumped into my throat. After what was probably only a few seconds, but felt like an eternity, I looked down at my thigh where they've been giving me my Heparin shot and noticed one spot was bleeding a little bit. And then a huge sigh of relief.

Speaking of the heparin shots... My thighs look like some sort of grotesque dot-to-dot.

So far bedrest is going ok. I'm not going too crazy. I have had plenty to say, but not the energy to type it all out. But I will soon, I promise.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Drama Queen

Anyone recall how about two weeks ago I said I didn't want any more drama with this pregnancy? Well, apparently I'm a drama queen because I am currently (and hopefully for a long time) lying in a hospital bed. Went in at 8:30 this morning for my glucose test and fetal weight estimation and during the ultrasound the sonographer couldn't get a good measure of the baby's head because he was so low. So she checks my cervix and it's only measuring about 1.7. The doctor then checked (manually - ouch!) and declared that the darn thing was also really soft. In a nutshell - I was told to call my husband, go home to pack a bag, and go get myself admitted to the hospital. I must have been admitted by about 11. The baby is fine, it's just my body that's defective. So basically I'm to stay as horizontal as possible for as long as possible --we're hoping for many many weeks! Fortunately, I do have bathroom privileges and I can be up for about 10 minutes a day to shower. My nurse today is Mary and she's awesome, as is every other person I've come into contact with. One things for sure, though it's only been about 6 hours so far, it definitely beats the experience I had at the other hospital where I delivered my daughter. For one, this hospital has a separate high risk perinatal unit and it almost feels like checking into a hotel. They gave us a welcome packet with all kinds of information and, as I said before, so far the staff is great.

Of course I've cried an awful lot today. I can't help the "why me?" thoughts from coming. I mean this isn't even the same situation that put me in the hospital with my daughter. So just great, a totally new problem! And of course in addition to being terrified that about being in this position at only 26 weeks, I'm also a little stressed about how we're going to deal with this financially. Fortunately, with the laptop and wireless Internet access I can try to work from here. But it's not going to be easy to do much from a horizontal position. Heck I'm typing one-handed and it's not easy. I'm also a little worried about how my husband is going to handle not only the stress of worrying about me and the baby, but also working, commuting, and single parenting our daughter. And of course I'm worried about what impact this will have on her. (Crap,now I'm crying again.) She's so attached to me and I know not having me at home is going to be really really hard for her, and thus she will be really really hard on my husband. And of course I'll miss her like crazy. I cry every time I think about not being able to snuggle with her and kiss her goodnight at bedtime every night.

So, since I'm confined to bed, you'll probably be hearing from me a lot. Hopefully I'll have lots of time on my hands for many, many weeks to come.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


It's official. I'm in full nesting mode. Which for me means that I've got about 10 different projects only about 1/2 way done. It also means that I'm going, going, going from morning to night. And all of that means that I'm driving my husband crazy. First of all the house is a mess because of the things I've started and my husband is a guy who really needs time to unwind and recharge his batteries. Unfortunately, he finds it hard to relax when I'm in whirling dervish mode. I'd take a photo of the pile of empty plastic storage bins laying around our family room and the stacks of baby/kid clothes and toys that were in them and are now being sorted, but I'm too embarrassed by the mess. On the bright side, with trips to the local kids consignment store and Goo.dwill this weekend, I got rid of about 6 shopping bags worth of stuff. Plus I have several more that the consignment store won't take until summer, but at least it's bagged and ready to go.

This weekend I bought a new crib skirt, some crib sheets, and a changing pad cover. Though right now everything is just piled in the crib. We have some drywall work and painting that needs to be done in the nursery and my husband is in the process of finding a contractor. I hope it happens soon, because I'm getting antsy and would love to have the room looking more like a nursery than a trash dump. The next big project will be figuring out where to put my daughter's easel and all her art supplies. Might not sound like a big deal, but I'm talking about a full-size easel and an entire one of these and several of these

filled with arts and crafts supplies. I know I should probably get rid of most of it, as she doesn't even use the stuff often. But I keep thinking that "next year" she might get interested and it seems like such a waste to get rid of it.

Hopefully soon I'll be able to post a picture of a sweet looking nursery.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009


I got in to my office at 7:30 this morning and saw that my message light was on. "Oops" I thought -- I often forget to check my voicemail regularly when I work from home as I did yesterday. I hoped it wasn't something time sensitive. I played the message and it was from someone at the Perinatal Practice (that I was at YESTERDAY) asking me to call back about my c-section they've scheduled me for on May 8th!

Although I knew the plan was for a c-section at 38 weeks and just last night I was thinking that I ought to ask them about it at my appointment in 2 weeks, I still feel like May is pretty far away. I guess I better face the fact that it's going to be here before I know it.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Never A Dull Moment

Just as I was feeling a bit more comfortable with how easy things seemed to be going with this pregnancy the universe decided it was a good time to remind me that I have no control and anything can happen.

I went in for what was going to be a completely routine appointment. Pee in a cup, weight check, blood pressure check, quick check on the ultrasound* to make sure everything's ok, and then out the door. The appointment started off well enough. I only had to wait about 10 minutes in the waiting room. I peed in the cup, hopped on the scale, got my blood pressure checked, and then only waited about 2 minutes for the doctor to come in for the ultrasound. She asked how I was feeling, started the scan, and said the fluid looked good. Then she looked a bit more, and more, and then said that she wanted to send me over to the hospital where the same group of doctors run a high risk testing center.** She told me that in one view she thought she might have seen evidence of a cleft lip, but she couldn't really tell because the baby's hand was in front of his mouth. She looked a bit more and then said that now she wasn't seeing it, but she wanted to be sure. I managed to remain calm while she called the testing center and arranged for them to see me.

Fortunately the hospital is only about a 5 to 10 minute drive away, so I made it there quickly. Unfortunately, since I was not an expected appointment I had to wait over an hour before they fit me in. The ultrasound tech was nice and kept commenting on how cute it was that the baby was sucking his thumb and yawning. I had to bite my lip not to scream "WHO CARES! JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE!" Of course the little stinker still had his hand in front of his face, so it took her quite awhile to get what she needed. Finally she seemed to get what she needed and, without a word about the baby's palate, asked me to go back to the waiting room until the doctor could see me. I went back to the waiting room assuming the worst and willing myself not to cry.

About 15 minutes later they finally called me back and the doctor asked why the doctor from the office had sent me over. UGH, I tried to calmly tell him while thinking to myself what did they think they were looking for on the scan if they didn't know why I was there! Anyway, he pulled up the pictures on his computer and showed me the shots of the nose, lip, chin, and palate and then told me that everything looked fine to him. As he filled out the paperwork for checkout he even told me that he was circling "suspected anomaly" because that's why I was there, not because there IS one. I thanked him, handed my paper to the office staff, walked out of the testing center, turned the corner, walked into the phone booth and burst into tears. Then I called my husband to fill him in on the morning's drama. Of course just then my cell phone battery started going. I caught my breath and got to the car where I could plug in my phone. Finished filling my husband in and we both heaved huge sighs of relief. I called my mom to fill her in because I knew she was waiting to hear about the appointment. Then I called one of my closest friends who just recently had a Downs scare after her NT scan (turns out everything is fine) and we commiserated on stressful pregnancies. Only then did I finally feel like my blood pressure was back down and I could breath normally again. And then I treated myself to lunch!

Now I know that there are a lot worse things that we could have to deal with than a baby with a cleft palate. And I know that we are incredibly fortunate to have a healthy daughter and to be 24 weeks along in this pregnancy with the worst thing to happen being this morning's scare. But still, I'd like to be done with the drama. I think that a placental abruption, pre-term birth, and 4-week NICU stay, multiple miscarriages, 3 1/2 years of infertility with associated surgeries and treatments, and now nightly injections of lovenox is drama enough. I would really, really like to be bored for the next 14 weeks.

*One benefit of being a patient with a high risk practice is getting an ultrasound at every appointment.

**In fact, about 1/2 of my appointments are at the testing center at the hospital. They seem to only have a skeleton crew staff their "regular" office.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

24 weeks down; 14 to go

I can hardly believe that yesterday I hit the 24 week mark. I'm happy to have made it this far. I'm happy that several times yesterday it felt like the Bumblebee was doing gymnastics or judo in my belly -- very reassuring! BUT, I still feel like I have soooo long to go. Right now I feel like I will only be able to heave a sigh of relief once I make it to 30 weeks. Not that I want to have a 30-weeker mind you. Having a 32 week old was hard enough, and I really hope we make it to the 38 week mark, but still I know that if I can make it to 30 I'll feel better.

I have a routine appointment this Tuesday, so it'll be nice to get a little more reassurance that things are ok. Yesterday I bought a car seat stroller frame at our local kids consignment shop for $25, which is exactly the thing I wanted, so I figure I just saved about $40! I also got a few more items of clothing for the Bumblebee and some for the Ladybug too. Last night I had my husband drag out about 1/3 of the giant plastic bins from the unfinished side of our basement so I could start sorting through all the old clothes and toys. We have a surprising number of items that we can use. I'd been thinking everything in the bins would be pink, but I forgot that my sister gave me a lot of hand-me-downs from my nephew that I saved just in case. Of course my nephew was born in December, so how much use we get out of much of it will depend on how big or small this baby is and whether he can fit into the clothes during the right season. I also realized how many toys we have!

Once I finish going through all the bins my next task is to start cleaning out the nursery! Yikes, the room is a mess. There's an extra box spring that I need to get rid of and TONS of my daughters art supplies. The closet is filled with off season clothes for both my daughter and myself and all of my handbags and totebags -- not sure what I'll do with all that stuff! It's a little daunting, but also a little exciting.