Thursday, January 7, 2010


Tons of thoughts swirling in my head, but I can't ever find the time or energy to get them out.

Am tired and sad. Love the kids and am sooo grateful for them. I know I'm just damn lucky to have them, much less a home, a job, health insurance, healthy family, etc. But I'm dissatisfied. This is not how I envisioned my life. Too busy, too little time with the kids, no time for myself, no time to spend with my husband. I know a lot of this is coming from a place of sheer exhaustion. Ben still isn't sleeping particularly well and I'm averaging 4 to 5 interrupted hours of sleep a night. Also something set me off today that is so stupid I can't bring myself to say what it is, but still it's got me frustrated. I know I need to focus on what I have, but fuck it right now I just want to feel sorry for myself a bit.

I've got lots of Ben and Lucy updates and photos to post, will do it soon as that will cheer me up, but just needed to do something to get this out a bit - besides cry at my dining room table.

Thanks for listening.


LJ said...

I'm sorry life is sucking it right now. Drop a line if you want to further vent. I've always got an open ear and heart.

Penny said...

well I'm there with you on the suck bench, and it feels all the worse because we paid big money to GET to this point. Yea. Suck.

Leah said...

Man, you are going to make ME start crying. You're my brother from another mother, when your heart is hurting, mine does too!

I do know what you mean about the exhaustion. I'm working on 6 years now of massive sleep deprivation. I wish I was kidding when I say that I can count on my two hands the number of times in the last 5 1/2 years that I've gotten more than 6 hours of sleep in a row. I used to be much, much smarter. Seriously, I did. Now my brain consists mostly of oatmeal. And goldfish sludge. I should go work at Pepperidge Farm to get a fucking discount.

Want me to drive over and sing High Hopes really, really loud and off-key? You know I'll do it. I'm coming to La Madeline on Sunday so perhaps I'll just serenade you there. :-)

And OH MY GOD those pictures of Ben are freaking adorable. Wow!


Life in Eden said...

Hang in there. I hear you on the exhaustion and feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes it can be hard to see any light at the end of the tunnel. Crappy weather doesn't help either. Hoping things look brighter soon!

Geohde said...

I hear you on the tired and cranky thing, and I am pathetic enough to admit that I get about double what you do.

G-d, don't you wish coffee worked better?