Friday, November 21, 2008

Spilled the Beans

A couple of days ago I told my supervisor and my team that I was pregnant. Yesterday I told my "boss", the head of my division, and my former supervisor/friend. I wasn't planning on telling quite so soon, but events conspired (I will not bore you with the details) and I decided it would just be easier to tell.
It felt really weird. When I was pregnant with my daughter, almost 7 years ago, I was so excited and after we saw her heartbeat the first time I had no concerns about the pregnancy. This time I just can't get comfortable with the idea that everything's going to work out. Everytime I see the heartbeat this time I feel relieved, but it usually only lasts for about 24 to 48 hours and then the panic sets in. However, while it felt very weird to tell, now I'm kind of relieved that I don't have to keep going about my days feeling like I've got a big secret. Plus, if something bad happens from here on out, I'll be so depressed and won't be able to hide it, so might as well have people know why.

We still haven't made a decision about the amnio yet. In fact, we really haven't talked much about it at all. I'm just so torn about it AND I'm tired, have a horrible cold, and have had chronic headaches for weeks now, so I really don't feel like talking about ANYTHING at the end of the day. I suppose we'll have to really face it this weekend, but for another day I'm going to put it out of my mind.

On the bright side, I'm glad it's Friday and I'm excited to be getting out of town for the holiday next week. Looking forward to the mashed potatoes and stuffing!


Penny said...

I could have written this post. Glad you got that off your chest though.

Mo and Will said...

Hi from LCRW!

It's so hard to figure out who to tell, and when. as we've progressed through our journey with multiple losses, the list gets shorter and shorter. but your rationale makes total sense. good luck deciding about the amnio. keep us posted on how everything is going!

And thanks for stopping by and leaving your thoughtful post on my acupuncture post earlier this week.


chicklet said...

I haven't been around here in awhile, but congrats on the pregnancy:-) And on announcing it. I'm sure it's tough still, I can't imagine, but hopefully it'll get easier each time.

Geohde said...

FWIW, in my second pregnancy I hated spilling the beans. I waited until I was getting asked, and it still felt scary to admit.