Yesterday I finally made the call. On Monday I have an appointment with a therapist.
I have so many things to deal with that I really don't even know where to start. I know that finally calling and making the appointment, despite being worried about where it might lead and stressing over how to pay for, it is a good first step. Though it is probably a step I should have taken years ago.
In addition to my mental health, I'm also playing catch up on medical appointments. I saw the dentist last week, saw the gynecologist yesterday, and I see a new dermatologist in a week. Funny thing about all those intrusive exams and specula I dealt with during the years of infertility treatments -- instead of making my annual pap seem like no big deal, I actually dread it more than ever. I didn't have to wait for the doctor for very long, but by the time she came in I was sweating and my whole body was completely tensed up. Thank goodness the doctor is very nice, very quick, and overall it wasn't all that uncomfortable. Still, if I never saw another speculum as long as I live you wouldn't hear me complaining.
Back to the mental health stuff. One of the things I plan to talk about with the therapist is how to deal with our daughter's behavior. She's been winning the battles and we're all losing the war. She's actually been ok lately, but even on our best days it feels like a constant struggle. I suspect that at some point very soon my husband and I will go in together to discuss this, but I wanted to go to this first session alone and just be able to dump out all my issues at once and see where it makes sense to begin.