Friday, September 3, 2010

Tears and Nausea

No, I'm not pregnant. I'm just dealing with my typical end of summer blues. It always starts the same with the knowledge that "oh, it's August already". I try to focus on the bright side of the return to a "normal" schedule for Lucy and to help her get excited about a new school year, new teacher, getting to see friends again, etc. But it never works very well. The icky gnawing feeling in my stomach starts and I find myself ultra sensitive and on the verge of tears for about 2 weeks.

This year seems a bit worse. Ben has already transitioned to a new classroom at daycare and it's ok, but not great. He wails every morning. As we enter the classroom he begins shaking his head back and forth and saying "no, no, no, no, no". I love the tight hugs. The feel of his little arms around my arms and his head resting on my shoulder is the best. But he doesn't know the teachers yet and he won't be distracted by the toys and so at some point his new teacher pulls him off me and I try to be cheery and stoic as I leave, but it's a rotten way to start the day.

Lucy had a great summer. She spent most of it in the care of a teen-aged babysitter who she adores. The vast majority of their time was spent at the pool. They had a great time and I feel like I missed out on all the fun. There's some other stuff I'm feeling very blah about too, but I'll save that for another post.

I know that once school starts a lot of these feelings will dissolve away. We'll get busy with homework and ballet and tap and soccer and swimming. (Yes, I'm probably crazy to let her do all those activities, but if she had her way she'd also be taking hip hop classes, piano, and drama classes!) We have an EIGHTH! birthday party to plan and of course the holidays will approach like a speeding train. I guess like my own kids its the anticipation and the transition that's hard for me, once we're on the other side I'll feel better.

But this mood is making it hard to be a blog reader. Everyone seems to be writing things today that make me cry!


Jendeis said...

Just wanted to say hi! Hope you start feeling better soon.

Shelli said...

I hope I didn't make you cry today.

I miss your updates. I'll be crying again on Wednesday... that's when my D starts 2nd grade. I almost can't believe it!


Anne D said...

Oh, the mommy blues... I know them well. Your account of leaving Ben at his daycare made me ache. We were fortunate to have an at-home (our home, that is) sitter for our younger kids, and they adored her, so that parting was easy (save for the twinge I had when they flocked to HER as I was leaving every morning!). But when each started play school at age 3, we went through that clinging/crying routine too. I'm sure I cried all the way to my office many mornings!

This too shall pass. The glory of fall weather is a tonic in itself.

You commented on my blog entry about Kevin (our "baby") leaving for college. It's pretty wrenching, especially for sentimental mom types like me. The worst was when our daughter started at Syracuse two years ago. I bawled my eyes out for days.

Stay tuned, because I'm going to blog something that has startled and amazed me about being an empty-nester. There's light at the end of these emotional tunnels! Take care.