Well, I confess I am in full Christmas prep mode. Most of the gifts are purchased and I spent the better part of the last two evenings decorating Christmas cookies. This effort greatly annoyed my husband. I started the process last Friday night and worked on the cookies on and off through last night. In addition to taking A LOT of time, the whole project pretty much wrecks the kitchen while I'm doing it. But I really love doing it and this past few days it proved to be a really good distraction to everything that's been stressing me out. I'm pretty proud of my cookies and I make people praise them before they're allowed to eat them! I'll try to take some photos and post them soon. In addition, I'm prepping for a mini-Christmas party this Saturday. We invited 5 of my daughters best friends from her old childcare center over for lunch and a few hours of playtime. I got a little carried away and actually bought stuff to make holiday gift bags for each girl and I got Christmasy plates, cups, etc. We've also been listening to lots of Christmas music and I'm looking forward to the holiday in general. However, one thing is really getting to me, even though I do have a child (which definitely helps inspire me to be "into" the holidays) and will probably send some cheesy photocard (if I ever get around to it) of her, all the cards we've gotten so far are from families with three kids. All these photos of families with a bunch of kids just kills me. The other day one came in an envelope with one of those personalized return labels with little cartoon-like characters representing each member of the family. I did keep the card, but tore the envelope to shreds.
Which gets me to my point, despite the holiday related cheer--which really appears when I'm alone in the kitchen or with my daughter--my mood is still pretty blah. I can't seem to muster up the energy to put on a game face. It really hit home yesterday when I was meeting with my boss about my performance at work and my potential for promotion. I tried to psych myself into at least seeming cheerful and enthusiastic about work, but I just couldn't do it. She said nice things and nothing bad, yet I'm sure I came across as being very unappreciative and a sourpuss. I suspect my potential for promotion just moved south! I just can't fake it at all these days. And since even I am getting sick of my depressing mood and hearing myself complain about just about everything, I can only imagine what the people who have to spend time with me are thinking.
On the bright side -- yes even I recognize that there is one -- I've been to the gym 4 days so far this week and am doing pretty well with the we.ight wat.chers. I suspect that if I can manage to shed a few more pounds and not have to struggle quite so hard to find clothes in my closet that fit, then my mood may lift a little. I even managed to NOT eat any of the fudge that a coworker brought to me the other day. And since she makes it every year I know how yummy it is. I'm also actually really looking forward to having almost a week away from work over Christmas and then hosting friends for dinner on the 29th and spending New Year's with really good friends.
Lastly, we got a big envelope in the mail from the home study agency yesterday, but we didn't open it yet. It's exciting, but I'm getting nervous about that!