19 Hours 'Till the Interview!

Well, I did finally touch base with the housecleaners and they came yesterday. What a treat to get home from work to a clean house! There's still plenty I should do to make this place seem more child friendly, but I feel so much better having had the cleaners here. In a surprise twist, I'm not feeling too nervous right now. I'm sure a full blown panic will hit around 4AM, but for now I'm pretty calm. Not sure why, but I'm going to enjoy it for now. The social worker is scheduled to arrive here at 9am, so anything we want done has to be done tonight. I think I'm going to try to talk hubby in going out to dinner, that way we can have a more relaxing evening and not worry about cooking or dishes. Right now I'm avoiding going through all the paperwork to make sure we have enough copies of everything - soooo tedious. I am a little annoyed at the pediatrician's office. The home study requires a health form about our daughter be completed by her doctor. I dropped it off last week and just got it in the mail. But they didn't stamp it or include any identifying information like the practice name or address. ????? This is pretty standard and I know if I just walk in their office I can probably get it stamped, but it's just stupid that they didn't do it. Oh well.

In other news, well not much news really, but I just got off the phone with the financial coordinator from my RE's office. I'm still nervous about the new insurance and since I haven't been through a cycle here before I'm just trying to make sure I understand how everything works. But I feel sort of odd about it all right now. I'm due to get my period in just over two weeks, soon after that I'll have a few tests and then my RE is expecting (barring any big surprises) that we'll move right on to an IVF cycle. Meaning, it's not that far off. I can't come up with a good way to describe how I feel about it. Nothings quite right, but detached might be closest. It's not really much time to wait, but I don't FEEL like we're about to step back on that rollercoaster. Perhaps it's because we've been focusing on adoption stuff and we haven't been talking about IVF at all. Also, while I want to get started again, I don't think I'll ever have that feeling of excitement that I had with my previous cycles. Yes, you read that correctly, I did feel excited. IVF was supposed to be the answer to my problem. While I won't recap my whole history here and all the reasons, it wasn't until the fourth and last IVF that I lost the sense of excitement and hope. I guess I'm in that place that so many IF veterans find themselves in. Not ready to give up, but also too much history not to be scared. Because we used to think that our problem was getting pregnant, but now it seems like staying that way is just as big a problem. I guess I haven't been thinking much about this lately, because as I write I realize my initial enthusiasm with the new RE and clinic has worn off and now I'm just flat scared that it won't work or that it will and it won't last. Hope has not disappeared, because I know I need to give it a try again, at least one more, but my old friend fear is lurking, and while I'm not really focused on it now, I know that once we jump back on the IVF path he's going to grab hold tightly.

I realize that's not a very cheery note for a Friday. Nevertheless, hope everyone out there has a nice weekend.