Yes, today’s meeting went as anticipated. Mr. “Talks A lot… NOT!” lived up to my expectations, so, once work slows down, I will begin the quest to find a new RE. One regret I have is that I couldn’t channel Donald Trump and end the meeting with a loud “YOU’RE FIRED!”* It would have felt good. Instead I smiled sweetly, said “thanks, I’ll be in touch.” Knowing full well that the only reason I will be in touch with the office is to request copies of my records.
It’s not that I dislike him. In fact, I really and truly hope that he’s right and there’s nothing else wrong with me than the effed up tubes. But I can’t continue to suffer failed IVFs with a doctor who refuses to consider that there just might be another problem lurking around. I mean just because there's no discernable pattern in my failures doesn't mean he couldn’t investigate the possibility of a specific problem. Instead he insists I’m a good candidate, tells me that my embryos look good and I respond well (though slowly) to the stimulation, and frequently reminds me that I HAVE had a healthy pregnancy before (albeit one that ended at 32 weeks with a premature baby). So even though the first IVF ended with a blighted ovum, during the 2nd we failed to fertilize, the 3rd was a BFN, and the 4th ended with a chemical pregnancy (and should I have to remind him about the blighted ovum before I had my daughter and that my pregnancy ended 8 weeks early?) I’m supposed to happily move on to another IVF attempt because I’m “a good candidate”. Who is he fucking kidding?! Ok, taking a deep breath now. The vent is over.
The only surprising (and almost amusing) thing about the visit was his response when I told him we were taking some time off and wouldn’t be doing ANYTHING, including any testing, for at least a few months. His response to this was something along the lines of (drum roll please) ‘well, many people find themselves pregnant when they do that… I’ve seen it happen, many times.’ Ok, he may be telling the truth, but still I couldn’t believe it. I mean my RE was practically saying “just relax, take it easy and you could get pregnant.” As if he has never seen my blocked up tubes! Or hadn’t just told me that things were so mixed up inside that he’s never gotten a good look at my uterus during the many ultrasounds I’ve had. I’m sure I’m overreacting, but HAHAHA, didn't I just get a load of assvice from, of all people, my RE!
However, despite the vent and all the exclamation points in this post, my mind is so consumed with worry about work and how I’m going to meet my upcoming deadlines that, for the most part, I really am feeling remarkably calm about this. And yet, there is a little area in deepest recesses of my brain muttering ”crap, crap, crap” and already compiling the list of things to do (1) research other clinics and REs, (2) call insurance company, (3) make an appointment, (4) get copies of medical records …..
*I feel the need to note that I’ve never actually watched an episode of The Apprentice.