Monday, July 2, 2007

Back to the Beginning

Well, the numbers went down. I have to confess, as much as I kept telling myself to expect the worst, I was really hoping for the best. Despite my best efforts to be pessimistic, so that I wouldn't be devastated -- I'm devastated.

I can't even begin to think about what we do next. I'll post more soon, but I don't even know what else to say now.

Addendum:

And to add insult to injury -- since this potential pregnancy was the result of IVF, and, since my insurance coverage ran out after the last IVF, I got a bill for $430 for last week's and today's blood tests. ARGH!!!! Since I'm at work and I can't go get a beer, I'm going get myself the biggest bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper that I can find. And tonight I'm going to get on my elliptical machine and stay on until my legs won't go anymore. I'm depressed and tired, I don't know what to do and I can't concentrate on work, but one thing I do know -- if I'm not pregnant I sure as shit don't want to look it. Time to drop (again) the 10 pounds I picked up in the past month.

7 comments:

Amy said...

Oh Bean, I'm so sorry. It isn't easy. I don't know what else to say but be kind to yourself. And I will be thinking of you.

chicklet said...

I'm with you on the Diet Dr Pepper - that's my favorite diet treat when I feel like I deserve a treat cuz I'm not preggers, but like you, sure as hell don't want to look it.

But to the more important part, I'm really really sorry you're going through this. I don't know what to say so am just sending you good thoughts to help you through.

Tam said...

I am so sorry sweetie, was really hoping for some good news for you. Be good to yourself, it's hard to do that especially when you feel like punishing your body for not being able to do this.

Thinking of you and sending loads of hugs and prayers your way.

Somewhat Ordinary said...

Oh, Bean, I am so sorry. You are in my thoughts.

Marie-Baguette said...

I am so sorry. Take good care of yourself.

Leah said...

I am so, so, so sorry. Why in the hell does this all have to be so difficult and unfair?!

The Town Criers said...

I am so sorry. And those bills are just salt on a very open wound.