Thursday, June 28, 2007

Tripped Over the First Hurdle

Well, I made it over -- the test was positive-- but, I tripped on the way -- it was a "low positive". So I get to keep getting the progesterone needle stabbed in my ass for the next 4 mornings and then I go back on Monday for another test. When the nurse delivered this less than desirable news my response was "well, that's not good." Her response was "it's not good or bad". But anything less than an unequivocal "BFP, see you in a week" is not good news to me. Of course, as usual, they didn't give me a number. Part of me is dying to know and part of me is glad I don't. Really it probably doesn't matter -- I'm going to obsess and worry about this for the next four days anyway.

addendum:

And the thing that really gets me. The f*cking uncertainty. I mean the uncertainty of the 2WW sucks, but this is a real Mother F*cker. If it's not going to work, then I just want to know, have a beer, a really long cry and move on. CRAP -- now I'm sad and pissed off and it's not a good combination. And, what a lovely birthday present for my husband huh? A big fat "maybe, but probably not" AND a miserable wife.

14 comments:

olivegirl said...

Hang in there. I'm hanging by a very thin thread with you.

chicklet said...

I haven't been to any type of positive yet so can't imagine how hard this is but jesus, I'm not good with limbo. I think I'd be like you - YES or NO FOLKS! NOT MAYBE, or WAIT MORE. Gawd. Hang in there.

The Town Criers said...

Sweetie, I'm so sorry that this isn't easy. I don't know if knowing the number would even help because as you know, everything can go either way if you look at betabase. Hang in there. I'm here if you need a good vent.

CAM said...

The continuing limbo of this really sucks for you. But focus on the fact that it is positive. The main thing is to have those numbers double. We are all here thinking of you and hoping you get through this with a positive result! :)

Hez said...

Hugs to you. Hoping you can find something else to focus on, if only for a short time to take your mind off this. Uncertainty has never been, and will never be my friend. It doesn't have to be yours, either.

Artblog said...

Oh fick, this is really hard, way harder than the tww! I guess you just wait and see for the moment :(

Thinking of you Bean and you're right, the numbers don't mean diddly doo, unfortunately, just makes you google your heart out until you're driven even more mad.

HUGS

KarenO said...

Hang in there Bean, I know it won't help much, but at least it's not a BFN, anything can happen so let's think BIG POSITIVE thoughts here! I'll be thinking of you very much the next few days - sending LOTS of loving hope your way!

Amy said...

I know it seems like the doubt will never end, but you are starting with a positive. Keep busy and keep hoping. It may finally be your turn! Hang in there. Thinking of you this weekend.

serenity said...

Bean - I couldn't comment when I read this yesterday...

Argh. I think that these kind of calls are the worst kind of hell. Because there's no real ANSWER, just more wait. UGH.

Hugs and the hopes that you get a clear answer Monday.

And... thanks so much for your comments on my blog today re: adoption. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in my mixed feelings about it right now. I think I'm just scared to do something different. But once I'm on that path, I absolutely believe I'll commit to it 100%.

Thinking of you, hon.

AshPash said...

Oh Bean, what an answer to have to deal with all weekend. What the hell is up with this "almost positive" stuff? I am so sorry it was not more definitive. Hoping for positive news Monday.

Allformybaby said...

Low is a relative term. Mine was 63 and I know it is in range, but I feel like it is a bit low. Hang in there, my RE says that sometimes it is the slow ones that surprise you. He calls it Tortus and the Haire syndrome.
(((huggs)))
A

Leah said...

I'm sorry that you're in beta limbo hell right now. I'm thrilled that it's positive! But I also understand the dread that comes with the "it's not good or bad" speech, I've had that before.

I'll say lots of prayers and cross all my fingers and toes for you. Hopefully Monday brings you wonderful, exciting news!

Tam said...

Oh Bean, I'm so sorry that's it's "iffy" news, I am praying that they are just being cautious and that those numbers will be beatifull by tomorrow :) Thinking of you and sending you loads of hugs!

In and Out of Luck said...

Thanks for visiting me. And I'm sorry that it's up in the air - it sucks when everything, good and bad, is left to our imagination! I'm praying for a good outcome.