Wow -- First of all, I need to thank Mel for organizing the commentation (http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/2007/06/welcome-to-commentathon.html), because I know it's the reason I just got more comments on one day's post than all the previous comments put together. But I also am so grateful to all the folks who've come to visit and wish me well, and to all the bloggers who are willing to share their stories, their heartaches, and their joys with the rest of us. I wish I was a better writer so I could do justice to how wonderful and important it is to be part of this community of fabulous, caring, thoughtful women. Though, I guess the number of people who have blogs and post comments on blogs suggest that you all already know that. I don't want to get all mushy about it, but it really nearly brings tears to my eyes. I never would have guessed what a comfort this could be for me.
Things kind of suck right now. On the one hand I'm grateful to even be in a place where I was able to do another IVF cycle, get some eggs and actually get to be in a 2ww. On the other hand, I'm absolutely terrified. I'm terrified of a BFN, and truthfully, I'm terrified of a BFP. Because if the first test is positive, then I have to wait an agonizing week to see if test #2 is positive, then I have to wait another agonizing two weeks to find out whether or not there's a heartbeat. I know I will be lucky if I have to deal with that, but it also scares the shit out of me. At the same time, work is really kicking my ass right now. I'm behind, my team's behind, we're all panicking and my supervisor doesn't seem to realize there's a problem. So, I'm working late, not getting much sleep and generally stressed out. And, that stresses me out more, because I wonder if all the stress of work is sabotaging this cycle!
I'm really fucking tired, and I'm really fucking scared, and thank goodness you are all out there, because it really does help.
If I could type "thanks' a million times I would, but it's late, I'm tired, and I've still got a lot of work to get through tonight. So I'll keep it simple.