Ok, so I have a feeling this is going to drag on a bit. UGH. I just wish it could be really over so I can move on. Until this morning I was sort of ok -- or at least numb enough that, while not cheerful, I wasn't feeling like I would cry at any minute. But then I had the scan this morning. I had to wait in a room, sitting on my bare ass no less, listening to a happy couple in the room next to me seeing their baby on an ultrasound. I literally laid there with my fingers in my ears humming so to block out the noise. Of course, nothing's happened since last time -- though the doctor didn't seem too concerned about it at this point--which was not a surprise because I've only spotted a tiny bit. Anyway, while I'd been feeling at least stable beforehand, I felt as though I'd been kicked in the stomach again and I've been completely off kilter ever since. Instead of coming right home to work, as planned, I make a stop at Michael's to buy some crafts for my daughter's holiday group playdate in a couple of weeks and to stock up on some cookie decorating supplies. Unfortunately it didn't cheer me up as I'd hoped it might.
I wrote the above this afternoon but had trouble with my connection, so now a late breaking update.
Looks like when it comes to bad news my intuition is right on. When I got home from errands this evening there were 2 messages on my machine one from the nurse and one from my doctor, who was not actually there this morning. Both were sufficiently sympathic, so sorry... call if you bleed too heavily... call if you have questions, blah blah. Here's the kicker, my hcg number actually went up a bit. So it explains why my symptoms haven't disappeared yet. It also explains why the doctor called, he wants to talk about our "options" on Monday. Hmmm? Pretty sure I see a D&C in my future. Not exactly excited, but then again I'm ready for this to be over and if that's how I can get this latest nightmare to end, well I guess I can stand some heavy duty painkillers (they always make me a little giddy), renting some girly movies and spending an afternoon on the couch. Perhaps some forced relaxation might actually be a good thing right now.
And on the bright side, I don't have to be back at work for NINE whole days!