Friday, November 16, 2007

The Middle of the End ???

Ok, so I have a feeling this is going to drag on a bit. UGH. I just wish it could be really over so I can move on. Until this morning I was sort of ok -- or at least numb enough that, while not cheerful, I wasn't feeling like I would cry at any minute. But then I had the scan this morning. I had to wait in a room, sitting on my bare ass no less, listening to a happy couple in the room next to me seeing their baby on an ultrasound. I literally laid there with my fingers in my ears humming so to block out the noise. Of course, nothing's happened since last time -- though the doctor didn't seem too concerned about it at this point--which was not a surprise because I've only spotted a tiny bit. Anyway, while I'd been feeling at least stable beforehand, I felt as though I'd been kicked in the stomach again and I've been completely off kilter ever since. Instead of coming right home to work, as planned, I make a stop at Michael's to buy some crafts for my daughter's holiday group playdate in a couple of weeks and to stock up on some cookie decorating supplies. Unfortunately it didn't cheer me up as I'd hoped it might.

I wrote the above this afternoon but had trouble with my connection, so now a late breaking update.

Looks like when it comes to bad news my intuition is right on. When I got home from errands this evening there were 2 messages on my machine one from the nurse and one from my doctor, who was not actually there this morning. Both were sufficiently sympathic, so sorry... call if you bleed too heavily... call if you have questions, blah blah. Here's the kicker, my hcg number actually went up a bit. So it explains why my symptoms haven't disappeared yet. It also explains why the doctor called, he wants to talk about our "options" on Monday. Hmmm? Pretty sure I see a D&C in my future. Not exactly excited, but then again I'm ready for this to be over and if that's how I can get this latest nightmare to end, well I guess I can stand some heavy duty painkillers (they always make me a little giddy), renting some girly movies and spending an afternoon on the couch. Perhaps some forced relaxation might actually be a good thing right now.

And on the bright side, I don't have to be back at work for NINE whole days!


Meghan said...

That'a a nice bright side you've got a the end of your post there ;)

Again, I'm so sorry you're going through all this.

Michell said...

That really is a cruel joke to have symptoms all while knowing nothing will come of it. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Hugs.

Leah said...

I'm so sorry about all of this. It's just crap. Crappy crap. The unfairness of it all makes steam come out of my ears.

Whatever the resolution, I hope you have it soon. In the meantime, I'll be thinking about you and praying for you.

You might not be up for socializing yet, but I sure do hope to see you at the cookie exchange in a couple of weeks. Goodness knows you will be in the company of lots of us who truly, truly GET IT. I'd love to be able to give you a warm hug (in person) to let you know you are not alone.

Baby Deux? said...

Ahhhh, good ol retail therapy at Michael's. Sadly my 3 year old yells out Michael's everytime we go past one but know there are no "cars" there. Yep, I retail therapy with Dr. Michael's too! :o)

Enjoy your 9 days off and RELAX!!!


DD said...

I've never done well with "maybes" or "kind ofs". I must have definitives. You seem to be holding up well, even though I'm sure it's been hell behind the scenes. Quite frankly, I don't see that you will begin bleeding anytime soon with hcg levels that high, especially if they continue to rise. Will your doctor do another scan, just to see what's going on?