Tuesday, March 4, 2008

A Bottle of Red, Some Gruyere, and a Baguette

That's how I coped with the news of our cancellation. As predicted I got the call yesterday afternoon. Actually it was just moments after I posted to the blog. When I saw the number pop up on the caller ID I thought to myself ‘I wonder whether it will be the nurse or the doctor.’ Well, the nurse was on the other end and I had a tiny little moment of hope, but she immediately said, “I have Dr. S right here.” I just kind of laughed and said OK. Anyway, the doc thinks that my body didn’t “like” the birth control pills. HaHa, at least on that point my mind and body are in agreement. Oddly enough, I didn’t actually cry. I welled up a bit, but no tears fell. I don’t say that because I think it’s good or bad, but I’m still a bit surprised. I guess I really knew it was coming. Now I’m just pissed that we ate about $2500 and used up one of the 3 IVF s the insurance co. will cover – all for nothing. It’s not like we’ve got thousands of dollars just lying around. In fact, the night before we’d spent some time going over the budget and figuring out just how we were going to finance the IVF and the adoption. Now I feel like we need to go back to the drawing board. I know I know I know that things could be worse (financially that is), and I try to remind myself that we’re lucky to have any coverage at all and we’re lucky that though we feel squeezed we actually can afford to keep doing this (at least for a little while longer). To add insult to injury, my husband called about an hour after we found out about the cancellation to report that our laptop is dying. Oh goody, buying a new computer is just what I wanted to do right now! :\

Next steps are deciding whether to roll right into a new cycle after my period or wait a bit. Talking to the nurse today about what protocol the DR will use next time.

Oddly, I actually feel OK right now. In fact, I feel better than I did even before I got the call yesterday. Perhaps it was venting on the blog, or just having a decision made about the cycle, whatever it was I can say that I’m feeling less fragile today. Not exactly ready to take on the world, but certainly not feeling like I’m teetering on the edge of it anymore.

Now, for inquiring minds, in today’s adoption news. We’re actually making progress. We received the packet from the adoption agency on the computer-based training that we need to complete. It doesn’t look too bad and the fees aren’t too bad either. We figure we can do it while we wait for USCIS to process our home study. Which should be soon! The social worker called and she’s going to be sending us the draft to review within the week.

That’s all for now.


Shelli said...

Same comment as yesterday, I am sorry this cycle turned out a bust!

If you don't mind me asking, where are you considering adopting from (domestic, int'l)? Hubby and I are thinking of pursuing that route officially now, and I am looking for ideas to check into.

Sunny said...

I am so so so sorry! BOO HISS!!! At least I hope the wine was good. HUGS!

Anne D. said...

Awww, this is terrible for you. What an ordeal. I'm so sorry!

When I was doing the clomid thing for inseminations, my mood swings (mostly downswings, to be honest) were exacerbated by the hormones. I would just *crash* with each disappointment. So, I hear your pain.

That's good news about the adoption process. For me, it was a sanity-saver to know that *something* we were working on would actually lead to a result: a child (or children, in our case) in our family.

Hang in there.

Meghan said...

I'm so sorry. That just royally sucks. But like Sunny said, I at least hope it was good...and you didn't have to share your bottle!

Glad to hear the adoption process is moving along, nice for there to be some good news

Shelby said...

I'm so sorry your cycle was cancelled! Lots of hugs!

Leah said...

Are you kidding me? What in the hell is going on, that this needs to be so difficult and painful? As if everything else isn't shitty enough, you get to endure cancelled cycles as well? That's just jacked up.

Like Sunny and Meghan said, I hope you thoroughly enjoyed the wine! Any chance we'll be seeing you on the 16th? I'd love to give you a hug in person...