I feel as though I should have some really insightful or at least interesting things to say about how I feel about the cancellation. But I don’t. I’m just feeling sort of blah and sort of numb. Oh, add to that a little annoyed, because my nurse hasn’t called me back yet to talk “next steps”. Also, the financial coordinator hasn’t called me yet to discuss any refund from our initial payment. I realize that I could pretty easily pick up the phone and call myself, but I’m just tired from everything and she did say they’d be calling me and so I shouldn’t have to – so there!
I am trying to do a little more than just put one foot in front of the other, which is sort of the mode I've been in for quite some time. Even if we do end up doing another cycle right away I've decided that I really need to get my life back in order. I’ve been letting all this infertility crap and treatments run my life for too long. My schedule has been totally off, I’ve been eating badly, not exercising (and thus gaining even more weight), not sleeping well, chronically tired, having chronic headaches, and generally grumpy and depressed. And you can imagine that this does not really translate into a productive employee or an energetic and happy wife or mother. In fact, my 5 year old has actually started telling me that I need to exercise more because I’ve gotten too squishy, and that I need to go to bed earlier so that I’m not tired all the time. Yikes – talk about a wake up call! And the truth is, she’s right. Soooo, for the past couple of days I actually skipped the evening TV watching, gotten myself into bed earlier, and dragged my ever increasing rump out of bed earlier, and yesterday and today went to the gym. I know it’s only 2 days, but I realized yesterday that I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been to the gym, so I’m patting myself on the back about this.
This bit of forward motion will likely lead me to actually pick up the phone and call the nurse, the financial coordinator, and a few other folks on my to do list. Perhaps this will be the start to an upward spiral. :)