While I was out...

Last night I took my daughter to a holiday craft night / bake sale / book sale at her school. My husband stayed home with the baby. When we got home at 8:15 I was surprised to see the baby still up. When I asked my husband why Ben was still up he said "I'll tell you later" in the way he does when he doesn't want my daughter to hear. I could tell something was wrong and started thinking that some family member was ill or had been in a car accident. Turns out that while changing Ben's diaper my husband turned away for a second to shoo one of the cats away from playing with the crib bumper. In that second and that small amount of space in between the dresser and my husband, Ben fell. Onto the hardwood floor. Apparently he made quite a thud. And then my husband freaked. He called the pediatrician's office and even though Ben was alert and with no visible injuries he begged them to let him bring Ben in. So they went and the doctor found nothing wrong. They told him we shouldn't let him sleep for more than 20 to 30 minutes for 4 hours just to be sure. Throughout this little trauma my daughter and I were blissfully enjoying ourselves because my cell phone battery had died. My husband was so upset that between repeated calls to my cell phone, he called my mom (a former nurse) and asked if she could drive up today to watch Ben and called his own mother. He told me later that he cried at the doctor's office, twice. He asked the pediatrician how many times a year they see things like this and her response was "a year? how about a month?". He told me that he said to the doctor "my wife is going to kill me!" (I didn't, by the way.) The doctor was so nice she actually called the house a little after I got home to check in on Ben and my husband.

I'm not sure who I feel sorrier for Ben or my husband. Ben is(was) clearly fine. Even last night when he was obviously very tired from being kept up he was in a great mood laughing at and playing with his sister. He was fine this morning and in a good mood as usual when I dropped him off at daycare. My husband however is still upset. He's called me three times already today for no other reason than he's still upset and worried.

Last night after my husband told me that he'd called my mom I realized I'd better call her back to let her know everything was ok. Good thing I did, she was clearly waiting and was obviously upset. This morning I finally turned my phone on after charging it overnight and there was a message from my mother yelling at me to turn my phone on and call her back.

Ben is fine, but I think it might take my husband and my mom a little while to get over this one.

My baby is trying to kill me.

While we're so lucky that no one in our house has been felled by any type of flu so far, Ben has had a cold for what seems like forever. It's gotten worse in the past few days. My hopes were lifted after two pretty good nights of sleep on Friday and Saturday, but the past 4 nights have been just horrific. The little guy is so congested - our nights have been spent in a semi awake haze of crying and coughing. He can barely nurse because he can't breathe through his nose and every morning his little nose is crusted over. My baby is not a great sleeper to begin with. We've been letting him cry himself back to sleep for 2 months now and, even before the cold got bad, he was still waking up quite often during the night. When we started letting the Ladybug cry when she was a baby she caught on right away, and within a couple of weeks she was sleeping through the night. Ben is clearly more stubborn that his sister - no amount of letting him cry (which, by the way, KILLS me but I KNOW he does not need to be fed every 2 to 3 hours) has convinced him to just give in, roll over and go back to sleep when he wakes up. And now with the cold I feel even more guilty letting him cry, so I've been going in to him more often. So not only am I'm trying to get by with about 4 to 5 hours of sleep a night, but once this cold is over (soon please!) we'll be back to square one with him on the sleep issues. BUT, I am grateful that he just has a cold. No fever and he's still happy and smiling when he gets up in the morning. The caregivers at his daycare tell me his is just as happy and easy as ever.

I know that I am lucky, lucky, lucky in the grand scheme. But is a little more sleep too much to ask? Good thing he's so cute... if I do say so myself. ;)
Since I'm such a shitty blogger I'll share a little cuteness to show you how the little guy is growing.

Hi Ho, Hi Ho

It's off to work... blah, blah, blah.

Yesterday was my first day back at work. Being back wasn't too bad. Ben is always happy and smiling when I drop him at daycare, but having to leave him there for 11 full hours just plain sucks.

Show and Tell

My sweet girl has such a big heart. Here's my girl with the letter she wrote to the President and addressing the envelope. I've included a "translation" under the photo of the letter.





"Dear President Obama

I have an idea. Why don't you tell people who have room in their garage to make a wall and put it in the middle to make a room for poor people.

Lucy, age 7"




Click here to see what the rest of the class is showing.

Odds and Ends

So my boy isn't quite 6 months old and he's got his second ear infection. He woke up screaming at about 4am the other night and I knew it was more than a cold and teething. My normally easy-to-soothe little guy was just inconsolable. Less than 24 hours after starting the antibiotic and he's clearly feeling much better.

We'll be back at the pediatrician's office in a week for his 6-month appointment, but they weighed him yesterday to make sure we are giving him the right doses of pain reliever. He is just 2 ounces shy of 21 pounds! Not that I'm surprised by that. My back and arms are victims of the boy's heft. I think I'll be a hunchback by the time he's walking.

Ben started daycare part-time last week and seems to be doing pretty well there. He cried the first day when I handed him to his teacher. It's so unlike him I couldn't help but think that somehow he KNEW that I was leaving soon. ;) But the next three days went without a hitch, so it's been a pretty stress free transition.

I go back to work in 4 weeks and that makes me want to weep. I'm just not ready for life to get that crazy again. It's not really the work or leaving the baby at daycare that stresses me out. It's the coordination of school drop off and pick up around 2 full-time schedules with 2+ hours of commuting for each of us, and then having to rush through everything in the evenings.


My girl is so excited for Halloween that she actually spent her own birthday money on Halloween decorations for the house. She also convinced my mother-in-law to part with a few dollars too. So, as I sit here at the dining room table, I am enjoying the lovely Halloween centerpiece they picked out and the front yard is decorated with 2 sparkly purple cats, a small scarecrow and various other decorations.


On Thursday I'll be making the 2 hour drive to my hometown to attend the memorial service for my friend's son. I still can't believe it. I can't imagine anything worse than losing one of my kids.

I'm stunned right now. I don't know what to think or who to talk to so I'm coming back here. I know I've neglected this place for too long. But right now I need a safe place.

I just found out that earlier today the 9 year old son of a very old friend of mine died. He contracted H1N1. It went to his heart, his heart stopped beating and he was put into an induced coma. I don't know much more than that. I do know that he had underlying health problems, nevertheless, it's got me scared to death.

I haven't been in touch with this friend much over the past several years. We exchange Christmas cards and that's been about it. We exchanged a few emails this summer when she finally got on Facebook, but that's been the most direct contact we've had in ages. In fact I'd been sort of peeved that I never got even a card or an email after Ben was born. God, who cares.

Her little boy and my daughter share a birthday. He was born via emergency c-section after her placenta abrupted at 30 weeks. Exactly 2 years later my daughter was born via emergency c-section after my placenta abrupted at 32 weeks. I remember after my daughter was born thinking that until then I had no appreciation for what she and her husband had gone through after the birth of their son. This will sound horrible, but I can't help but think I never ever want to be able to appreciate what they are going through right now. I can't hardly believe it. It's just wrong. I keep thinking about what I can send or write or say and there isn't anything that makes sense. Flowers, food, words just seem so stupid and useless - they lost their son.

I just went to check on the baby in the next room, again. He's sleeping peacefully in his crib. My daughter is racing around the house like a banshee. A week ago my friend would have been juggling the demands of her 3 sons. Now she has two. I just can't wrap my mind around this at all.

5 Months and 7 years.

Yesterday, Ben was 5 months old -- I can hardly believe it. But an even more shocking reality is that my daughter turns 7 on Friday!

The funny thing is that right now all the things Ben learns to do are cause for celebration -- hooray, another milestone reached. But with my daughter it is so bittersweet watching her grow up now. It is so obvious in the language she uses and the attitudes she adopts that she is growing up, but so often it just seems like a little kid mimicking the big kids she's around all day. It's the little things that make me catch my breath and want to hold her and wish everything would slow down. The other day we were getting ready to go somewhere and she wanted her hair in a ponytail. Instead of asking me to do it, I saw her get a hair band, put it around her wrist, pull up her hair and then pull the band off her wrist and onto her hair. Okay, it's not the first time she's put her own hair into a ponytail and it's not like she's just learned to drive, but there was something so familiar and so grown up about the way she moved her hands and did this one small act that made me pause and really look at her. She is still such a little girl in so many ways. She still snuggles with the stuffed giraffe that has been her favorite since she was about a year old. She still wants me to lay down with her at bedtime every night. She still has tantrums when she's overtired and she still loves to watch DVDs that she's been watching since she was 4. But she is also growing so independent and sure of herself in so many ways. I'm just not ready to have such a big girl. Honestly, it is hard to really remember her babyhood. But it is not at all hard to remember what it was like when she was 4 or 5, and suddenly here we are at 7!

My reading ballerina


As for Ben, well we've been working very hard on the sleep thing. I was about to lose my sanity, so I re-read Dr. Weiss.bluth's book and made my husband read the relevant section. I confess we are letting him cry a bit, which hurts my soul to hear, but fortunately he never cries for very long and we are making progress. He now naps 3 times a day at pretty regular times and bedtime has been moved up to between 6:30 and 7. Last night he slept 7 straight hours for the first time in almost a month!

He is rolling over from back to front quite regularly now. Though he first rolled from front to back he seems to have forgotten how now. He'll often get himself onto his belly and then whine once he's there. Though he's been teething for at least a month, his first tooth finally made it's appearance a week ago. We've tried Tylenol, ibuprofen, and ambesol, but nothing seems to give him much relief. He's a bit of a drool machine these days and he's always got his hands jammed into his mouth. That's no big deal, except when he does it during meal time!
We started rice cereal a couple of weeks ago and now feeding time is like a sport. Even when he eats it up well, he makes such a mess. After most bites of food he jams him hands into his mouth, and then rubs his hands all over the place, so we end up with one sticky mess of a baby. The other day after a meal he had cereal all over his hands, arms, legs, clothes, his face, and even in his ears! He also like to grab the spool and try to feed himself; he hasn't had much luck with that, but he keeps trying. His had made some progress with holding onto his toys and he is finally managing to get things other than cloth into his mouth.

I can do it myself!


Oops!


Future Opera Singer


Got her!


Almost there


In My Big Boy Clothes


I love my jumperoo


He'll hate me for this later

Ouch!

I know a baby who's getting his first tooth. I also know a baby who is going to lose his boobie privileges if he doesn't stop biting!



I tried to get a photo of the tooth, but couldn't.

Still Here

No, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. Just not very good at time management and frankly just coping these days. In some ways I loved being home with the kids this summer, the one and only time we'll have that. But it was a lot harder than I'd expected. The Ladybug is not used to being home and I'm not used to having to keep her entertained and of course doing it while taking care of an infant is not so easy. School started this week and I'm both very sad that my one summer at home is over and I'm also relieved.

One month ago Ben was sleeping like a champ -- we had a week when we was sleeping between 7 and 9 hours a night. This went downhill from there and we are now back to coping with a baby up ever hour and a half to two hours. In addition after a nice 4-month honeymoon period, my daughter is finally expressing her frustration with the new family dynamic. There have been a series of meltdowns in the past 2 weeks with a lot of frustration expressed regarding the amount of attention she's getting compared to her brother. Everything seems to have come to a head in the past two days and the result is that I'm exhausted, frustrated, and feeling like pretty much the crappiest mother on earth right now. I've spent much of the past 2 days in tears. And just to add to the chaos did I mention that we adopted 2 cats a few weeks ago.

However, despite my crazy emotions I am trying to focus on the good moments. As of Labor day Ben began eating rice cereal and rolling over from his back to his tummy. He loves the cereal and slurps it down when I give it to him. My daughter was actually excited to start school again and seems to like her teacher so far. Here are some pictures because I'm too tired to write more.

Big Ben

Yes, that's right, I let the Bee out of the bag. The Bumblebee's name is Ben. Around home he's also known as Benbee and Bubby. And he is my big boy. He'll be 15 weeks next Tuesday and he's already about 17 1/2 pounds. Just for the sake of comparison -- my daughter weighed 16 pounds when she was 9 months old.

In this first picture Ben is wearing an outfit that my husband wore when he was a baby. It's hard to wrap my mind around the fact that the outfit is almost 40 years old! I took this photo almost 2 weeks ago and the outfit barely fit him. My husband wore the outfit when he was 6 months old.


Next a good sibling shot from a few days ago. My daughter is still in love with her brother and is constantly lifting him and kissing him and trying to do everything for him. Although given his weight she can't hold him for very long anymore.


And last but not least, a shot of the boy in his bouncy seat. He loves the darn thing so much that I'm replacing the batteries constantly!

Sleep

Guess who slept for 7 straight hours last night??? Give up? It wasn't me and it wasn't my husband, but the Bee slept from 10pm until 5am! I couldn't believe it. Not that I'm foolish enough to expect a repeat tonight, but still I'm so excited over the possibilities. Stupidly, both my husband and I stayed up late last night--until about 1am. He was watching a movie and I was reading. Even so, just knowing that the baby had slept for 7 hours made the getting up a lot easier.

12 Weeks

I can't believe that it's been 12 weeks since little Bee was born. I also can't believe how little I get done every day. I've got a thousand posts in my head, but never find the time to sit down and type out my thoughts. To be honest things have been a bit rough lately. We're still not getting great sleep; while it's a bit better than it was a 5 weeks ago, the Bee's sleep habits are really inconsistent and we still often have nights when he's up far too often. I know the lack of sleep is probably the main factor in why I've been feeling down -- not only am I exhausted all the time, but it definitely contributed to the entire family coming down with a cold. And let me tell you -- a baby with a cold doesn't sleep well! And because I'm paranoid about an 11 week old with a cold I took him to the pediatrician and it turns out he had an ear infection, so he's been on an antibiotic for the past week.

So we're all tired and grumpy. And while I may not be the most pleasant person to be around when I'm tired, my grumpiness is nothing compared to that of my husband and daughter when they are tired. I never knew anyone whose mood is more negatively affected by lack of sleep or food than my husband... until I met my daughter.

As a result of the tiredness and the colds and the grumpiness, we're not all getting along so well.

So the point of all this is that in addition to being frustrated by my own inability to get much done around the house (it is a disaster area), I'm feeling down and frustrated about my relationships with my husband and daughter. I know that this will pass, but still it sucks right now. It's also frustrating to know that it doesn't have to be so bad. My daughter spent the weekend with my parents, who love her but are definitely not blind to bad behavior. They described her as delightful the whole weekend. Within a few hours of returning home yesterday she was stomping her feet and acting generally rude because she didn't like what I was serving for dinner. And let's just say that it didn't end there. And today there's been more of the same. Sigh. And honestly I'm as frustrated with my own reactions to her as I am with her. So I just put up another behavior chart that we'll start using tomorrow. We used one from January until April with pretty good success, it gives her incentives to behave well and with a tool for monitoring her behavior I'm less likely to overreact when things don't go well.

But life is not all bad. The Ladybug has her good moments and these days a lot of them are with her brother. She adores him and is constantly wanting to hold him and kiss him and comfort him when he's upset.

As for the Bee. He is not exactly the easiest baby in the world, but not the hardest either. He's pretty vocal when he's unhappy, but I've figured out that he's generally only unhappy about three things -- when he's hungry, when he needs to burp, and when he's tired. The hungry I can satisfy, the burping might take a little while but can generally be resolved without too much delay, but the tiredness is tricky. He really can't/won't fall asleep on his own, so it's either I nurse him to sleep (most of the time) or we rock/sway/jiggle him to sleep. But all in all, I can't complain, he's pretty easily soothed. And he loves is big sister too. He probably gives her as many smiles as I get - and I feed him! He'll follow her around the room with his eyes and smile when she talks to him -- I think my husband might even be a bit jealous.

Well, both kids are asleep and so I'm going to bed myself. I'll finish with a few cute photos of my little man at 12 weeks.

2 Months!

Going by the day of the month, Bee was 2 months old yesterday! Feels like he just came home and I'm already 2 months behind on his baby book. ;)

Since I last posted we've had some positive steps forward with the sleep. Daytime is still erratic and there is not consistency in terms of when he naps or for how long, but he has been napping. BUT, the night sleeps are getting longer!!! Saturday night he slept for 6 straight hours - I couldn't believe it. Last night his longest stretch was 5. Heck I was happy with 4!

We had a great weekend here. My daughter had her ballet recital on Saturday and all the grandparents and one cousin were here for it. Ladybug adores her grandparents and always gets a kick out of having them all here. Of course the grandmas couldn't get enough of the Bee and I worried a little they might fight over who got to hold him (Just kidding, but seriously there was little tension--my MIL really was being a baby hog.) He performed well for the grandparents - slept all through the ballet and then was awake, lively and happy once we got home. He put on quite a show on his playmat.

Yesterday we had a very nice Father's Day. Daddy got to sleep in and the Ladybug and I made all his favorites for breakfast. Then the Ladybug got a last minute invitation for a playdate at her best friends house. She had a great time and it gave her parents a much needed break. All in all it was a great weekend and now starts my one and only summer getting to stay home with my kids.

2 steps forward, 1 step back

Actually it feels like 1 step forward and 2 back! On the bright side, for the past 2 nights Bee has slept for his 2 longest stretches ever of 4 1/2 hours. I am truly grateful for that, but the other 19 1/2 hours of the day are a nightmare. I believe everything I've read says that babies this age are still supposed to sleep ALOT. And since Bee was 4 1/2 weeks early we might even assume his sleep patterns should resemble a 4 week old -- meaning he should sleep longer. Ha Ha Ha! Since about 7am this morning he's only slept for 30 minutes!(It's now Noon.) The kid clearly can't self soothe for shit. I do try to get him to nap as soon as he starts exhibiting signs of sleepiness, but if I put him down - anywhere - all he does is scream. I do the whole rocking/swaying, patting, shushing thing and it does work sometimes, but the big problem is getting him to STAY asleep.

Ok, so it's now 1pm and he's been asleep in his basket for a little over 30 minutes. I'll be thrilled if he makes it an hour. Sigh....

8 weeks old and other random thoughts

I can't believe it's been 8 weeks since Bee was born! A week ago I took him to the pediatrician because we were concerned that he so frequently seemed uncomfortable. He wasn't crying so much, but there was a lot of grunting, straining, and other expressions of discomfort that seemed distinct from those when he was pooping or farting. We were suspected reflux, and the pediatrician thought so too. She was wonderful as usual, saying exactly what I'd hoped, which was that while she doesn't like to throw medicine at infants a little Zantac wouldn't hurt and it was worth seeing if there is any improvement between then and we go for his 2 month appointment 2 weeks later. She also suggested putting him to sleep in his car seat, as I had also told her that he was not sleeping well. There were many nights (and days for that matter) when he would wake up every hour. While he's not sleeping for long stretches by anyone's definition, there has been some improvement since we started the Zantac and put him to bed in the carseat.

The Big surprise of our visit was his weight gain. He weighed in at 11 lbs 9 oz -- so he'd gained a bit more than 5 lbs in 5 weeks!!! The information sheet the pediatrician gave us at his 2 week appointment said that weight gain averages about 1 oz a day during the first several months. I figured out that Bee averaged 2.3 oz per day! Not that I should have been surprised -- one look at his thighs and double chin should have been a clue. I can't wait until his 2 month appointment – which is in one week - to see how long he is now and where he falls on the charts. Speaking of his thighs, his feet seem almost absurdly small on the end of his fat legs. ;)

This weight gain really shouldn't have been surprise for other reasons as well. The boy is an eating machine. He nurses constantly. He's such a loud and messy eater that he's gained a few nicknames. I call him milk face because when he comes off my boob his face is often covered with milk. He makes so much noise while eating that my husband calls him "smackers".

Having the low blood sugar when he was born was a blessing in disguise. Like his sister before him, my boy may not sleep but he can go from boob to bottle and back with no problem – and it doesn't matter if its breast milk or formula in the bottle he'll eat it! This allows me to get extra sleep, to run errands occasionally, and last weekend it allowed hubby and me to go out to dinner for our anniversary.

When he's in the mood, he loves his playmat, particularly the turtle with the mirror in its belly, and the octopus with the dangling legs. Like his mommy, he loves a nice warm bath, but not being removed from it!

The Ladybug remains in love with her little brother and is trying to usurp my role as mommy – good thing I have the boobs. She can often be heard repeating “my Bee” over and over again. She's constantly picking him up and holding him and in a very high pitched voice repeats “hey, little guy”.

Bee has been smiling at us for about 2 weeks now and the frequency is definitely increasing. There's nothing better than baby smiles.

His eyebrows are finally starting to show up.

For anyone not already bored to death, here are some photos for your viewing pleasure.

Anniversaries

I have a lousy memory for details, and that includes for dates. Nevertheless noting the passage of time and remembering where I've been and how things change (or don't) always makes me a little nostalgic and I do think it's important to recognize anniversaries and milestones.

That said, the most important thing about today is that our little Bee is 6 weeks old!


I can hardly believe it's been that long, but then again, it's hard to imagine life without him now. He is definitely growing. I don't know his weight (we don't go back to the pediatrician for 2 more weeks) but let's just say one look at this cheeks and thighs and it's obvious he's gaining weight. That comes as no big surprise to me. The boy is an eating machine; it often seems as though he eats ALL the time. In fact, as I type this he is having a meal courtesy of my left boob.

This morning I had my 6-week postpartum appointment. It was pretty routine and quick, except when I mentioned that my left foot and ankle are still quite swollen, though the right side seems back to normal. This earned me an appointment in about an hour and a half to have an ultrasound on my leg to make sure there's no blood clot. The doctor said it would be odd for the swelling to be the only sympton, but she wants to get it checked out nonetheless. I don't mind having the scan, but I'm not excited about hauling the baby along to another appointment today.

There are 2 other anniversaries of note in our house this week. We are just past the anniversary of the fresh IVF cycle that produced the 3 extra blastocysts that were frozen and later thawed and transfered -- one of which implanted and grew into the little boy currently draining my left boob. The other anniversary of note is our wedding anniversary -- 10 years on Friday!!! Now that is hard to believe. My in-laws are coming up on Saturday to babysit so we can actually go out for dinner and celebrate a bit. You can believe that I'll be pumping and dumping that night so that I can enjoy a glass (or two!) of wine.





As I typed the above it occurred to me that it was around this time of year that I started this blog. I checked and discovered that my 2 year blogoversary was almost exactly a month ago. How time flies!

Time Flies (and the Birth Story... finally)

Ok, so I changed my mind. Time does fly even when you're sleep deprived. Little Bee was 4 weeks on Tuesday and I couldn't believe it. Seemed like the perfect time to post something here and I thought I'd finally post the birth story. But as most days do, it got away from me. Then on Thursday, based on the day of the month, we hit the one month mark. Another good day for a post, but again the day flew by. But today's the day. I have new photos and finally the birth story.

First the fun stuff.

Having a snuggle with his big sis


Who is that handsome boy in the mirror?


Tummy time makes me sleepy


Catching some ZZZs



And now without further ado, the story of Little Bee's birth

After everything we'd been through with this pregnancy--the FET, the Lovenox shots, the incompetent cervix, the 7 1/2 week hospitalization, and additional week and half of bedrest at home, the birth story seems like such a stereotype. I woke up at 2:15 am on April 21st and felt a decided squirt when I rolled out of bed to go to the bathroom. I thought it was odd and didn’t really believe that I could have lost control of my bladder that much, but it wasn’t a huge squirt. I went to the bathroom and then as I was standing up from the toilet I felt another squirt. I was suspicious, but the squirts were small enough that I first went into my room and got some clean underwear on. As I walked back out of the bedroom on my way to refer to What to Expect… there was another, much bigger, squirt. At this point my husband had woken up and asked “what’s wrong?” I told him I was pretty sure my water had broken and that I was going to call the doctor. Sure enough as I called the after hours service and waited for the doctor to call me back there were several more and increasingly larger releases of fluid. So of course the doctor told me to go to the hospital. Fortunately, my mom had driven up earlier that evening so she could take me to my doctor’s appointment the next morning, so that meant that we didn’t have to drag the Ladybug to the hospital with us. I woke up my mom and told her what was happening and that we’d call her later on to let her know what was going on. During the drive to the hospital on quiet empty streets, we laughed that we were going to end up with this stereotypical story – water breaks in the middle of the night…

Check in at the main desk took about 5 minutes and then we went upstairs to L&D triage; by this time it was about 3:15am. I was sopping wet and feeling pretty gross with the maxi pad soaked through. It was very quiet; I was the only patient at that time. After I peed, they hooked me up to the monitors for the baby’s heart rate and contractions. Though I’d only felt one or two contractions prior to all this, they started coming very regularly not long after I was hooked up. I felt pretty miserable because all this time I was still leaking fluid and it was very uncomfortable lying in all the wet. Plus they wouldn’t let me up to use the toilet, so when I needed to pee I had to use a bedpan – both icky AND uncomfortable. During this time they drew a bunch of blood and started an IV. A very nice resident came in to do a manual check –OUCH— so he could call and report to my doctor. I was only 1 centimeter dilated, so there was no need to do the c-section immediately. At first they told us the c-section would probably be at 7 or 8am, but pretty quickly they came back and said it would be at 6am. I was glad they were planning to do it soon because I was dreading the wait. I was physically uncomfortable, beginning to feel anxious about the spinal and the surgery, and just plain impatient. But then I asked my husband what time it was and it was already after 5. Actually I must have asked him what time it was at least a dozen times! The anesthesiologist came in to go over what would happen, but also to tell us that they needed to wait until my CBC tests came back before we could proceed (basically they needed the Heparin I’d been taking twice a day to be out of my system). He told us that if the CBC didn’t look good we’d either have to delay the section or do it under general anesthesia. Fortunately, the CBC was fine and shortly thereafter they wheeled me down to the OR. We entered the OR at almost exactly 6:30 am. My husband was outside getting scrubs on while they prepped the room and me, including giving me the spinal. I confess I was terrified of the spinal and I was shaking while they were getting things ready. Fortunately, the spinal wasn’t anywhere near as bad as I’d expected. My husband was brought in shortly after they got me on my back and had strapped my legs down and inserted the catheter. I was at this point shaking from I think both the anesthesia and fear. My husband was trying to figure out what to do with the camera when I pretty much barked at him to grab my hand and talk to me. I squeezed his hand really hard (for me anyway) the entire time and we talked about goodness knows what because I really needed the distraction. I have to say that while I did not feel any pain, feeling all the tugging, pulling, pushing, etc was very disconcerting.

Little Bee was born at 6:44 am and taken to the side of the room where the nurses tested him and cleaned him up. He was 6 pounds and 4 ounces and 19 ½ inches long. We all cried and then hubby got up to go see him and take some pictures. I have to say that it all seemed very surreal at that point and I think I was still so focused on my own anxiety about what I was going through that in some ways it didn’t really register that he was really MY baby. His Apgar scores were 8 and 9 and most importantly they did not whisk him off to the NICU. Hubby came back to sit with me while they continued to clean up the baby. Then one of the nurses brought him over so I could see him up close and give him his first kiss. Then hubby went with the baby and the nurse to the PACU, where I would meet them once they were done closing me up.

After my husband left with the baby, in some ways it felt like I was the uninvited guest in the room that everyone ignored. With the drape up I couldn’t see either of the doctors, who were having a lively conversation all the while they stitched me up. The nurses were moving around and chatting too, but I couldn’t see them either. Then it was shift change. Thankfully the doctors didn’t walk out, but in the middle of everything new nurses and a new anesthesiologist came in and the others left. They were nearly done at that point, but it still seemed sort of odd. I was still sort of shaky and nervous, so it seemed to me to take a long time for them to stitch me up. But they did finally finish and in no time at all I was wheeled to the PACU to join my baby and husband. The nurse in the PACU was wonderful, and it was so great to be able to just “be” with my husband and the baby. The baby’s blood sugar was a bit low, but otherwise he was just fine and even though the lower half of my body was still immobile, I was able to hold him for awhile. Having my lower body paralyzed was REALLY weird. I kept trying to move my toes or my knees and nothing would happen. I wasn’t ever worried about it, it was just odd, and it’s funny now to think how excited I was when I could finally wiggle my toes. Of course at that time the good drugs that they’d put in my IV were in full effect, so I was feeling just fine. The pain hit later, at about the 24 hour mark, as the IV meds wore off at about the same time I was due for another dose of Percoset.

Back at home, my mom was getting Miss Ladybug ready for school and telling her the news that she was a big sister. She was so excited that she picked out a special outfit to wear to school. She told my mom that when everyone asked why she looked so nice she would tell them it was because her brother was born.

3 weeks old!

WARNING: Below is a description of my Mother's Day and pictures of my kids!


I'd like to say time flies, but when you're really sleep deprived it doesn't. But that doesn't mean we haven't had fun during these last few weeks. In addition to his first two trips to the grocery store, Little Bee has taken his first trip to Borders (trips to Borders are a very regular event for our family, so this was a milestone for us!), and his first walk to park for the Mother's Day picnic my daughter planned and packed for us. He helped me enjoy Mother's Day by actually sleeping in 3 hour blocks the night before. (Now if we can only get a repeat of that!)

My Mother's Day was pretty good. I was up at 6am feeding Little Bee and then the Ladybug got up around 7am. After everyone was fed and my husband woke up, I was instructed by the Ladybug to go back to bed. (Twist my arm!) I knew that pancakes were in the works, but I didn't know that my daughter was planning on breakfast in bed! I must say that after 9 weeks of bedrest, eating in bed doesn't hold the same appeal, but I loved that she planned it all out! Later that day she decided that it was so nice we should take a picnic to the park. With just a little input from me, the Ladybug made sandwiches, and then packed bananas and some dessert for all of us. So, we put the Little Bee in the carriage and off we walked. It was a beautiful day and I did enjoy the walk, but I'm still moving a little slowly from the c-section.

Actually Mother's Day started a bit earlier for me, as these were delivered on Friday.
My Mother's Day Flowers from my husband


Little Bee slept in his carriage during our picnic,


while his big sister played.


Today is our first day home alone together (my husband went back to work today) and Bee had his first non-sponge bath in the kitchen sink. I was fully prepared for a screaming wiggling baby, but he actually seemed to enjoy it. (I realize it doesn't look that way in the photo, but really he seemed quite happy in there.)

In the Bath


Afterward


Clean Boy


As for me. Well the last 3 weeks have had there ups and downs. The exhaustion is really taking a toll on me. The nights when he sleeps in 3 hour stretches are bearable, but unfortunately most nights he up every hour and a half to 2 hours. It's hard to feel like I can be a very good parent to either of my kids when I'm this exhausted.

That being said, today has been a pretty good day. I've managed to get both of us bathed and fed, and I've cleaned the dishes and gotten a couple of loads of laundry done! And tomorrow my mom arrives for a few days--Hooray!