Two Paths

First of all, I'll admit that I'm not feeling inspired today. But I'm trying to do a better job of keeping up with this blog, and I'm about to leave town for the long weekend.

Since I'm not feeling inspired I think I'll just take up the first item on the list from my last post.

Adoption.

Until recently, everytime my husband, or anyone else for that matter, brought up the idea of adoption my stock response was "I'm just not there yet." It's not that I was unwilling consider adoption - at some point - but to me it felt like the step we'd take AFTER all other attempts had failed. Despite the disappointments and the lack of money, I'm still not ready to give up on IVF yet. When I was pregnant with my daugther it was wonderful. I loved being pregnant. I felt good. Until the end (the placental abruption and the early delivery) it was an easy and happy time for me. And after my daughter was born I loved nursing and my body did too. I made milk like nobody's business. In fact, we had to buy a freezer for all the extra milk I pumped and I filled it up! I REALLY want to feel a baby grow and move inside me again and I want the quiet comfort of nursing another child. So, that's why I will continue to go back to that clinic and try as many times as we can afford to get myself pregnant. I should say that my husband is very suppportive and has told me he'd spend whatever money we have to have another baby. In fact, in some ways it seems he'll have more stamina to keep going than I will -- go figure, it's not his body getting prodded, poked, infused with drugs...

However, recently my husband said he thinks we should start investigating adoption and has even found a few contacts for us. The things is, he didn't present it as an either/or situation. He's prepared to keep trying IVF, but thinks we should explore both paths to parenthood in hopes that if one doesn't work the other will. And, if we pursue the dual track we may end up with a child faster than if we take it one step at a time.

This may sound silly, and I probably won't do a great job of explaining it, but I've been really amazed at how much more willing I am to discuss and think about adoption now. Now that I'm thinking about it as a separate path or it's own path to parenthood, rather than the result of the failure of all else.

Hope anyone who sees this has a great weekend.