Miscellaneous Ramblings of A Tired, Emotional, Irrational Wreck

Ugh, I hardly know where to start today, I have so many random thoughts floating around in my head and I just need to get them out.

* November 11 is a long, long, long, long way off. That's the day of my appointment for my nuchal translucency scan. It's 3 weeks away! Since my first beta I haven't had to wait more than 10 days between tests or ultrasounds. After last Thursday's appointment I knew it would be about 4 weeks until my next appointment, but on the heels of my third good ultrasound I was feeling ok about that. Now, after 5 days and the pediatrician telling me yesterday that my daughter has the coxsackie virus, I'm no longer feeling so comfortable with that wait. According to Dr. Google, the coxsackie virus is very contagious AND "some studies have linked coxsackie viruses to miscarriage, neurodevelopmental delay, and cortical necrosis. One study associated the presence of coxsackievirus with respiratory failure and global cognitive defects." I know it's probably overkill, but in the past 24 hours I've washed just about anything I could fit into the washing machine on hot water. All of our bed linens, my daughters blankets, pillows and stuffed animals. I also pulled out the antibacterial gel. I don't usually use the stuff, but I am now!

* On a slightly related note, I think I got spoiled by the lovely and caring nurses and employees at my fertility clinic. I called my OB's office today to ask a few questions, including to find out if I need to be worried about this coxsackie virus. They don't have any sort of nurses line to call and the woman who answered the phone told me she'd just have to take a message for one of the nurses. She sounded so annoyed that I would have questions and want to leave an actual message. By the time I hung up, I was practically in tears AND really pissed off. This is a rather large high-risk practice, it's hard for me to believe that they don't get lots of patient calls and I'm frankly shocked that they don't have a better system than leaving a message about medical questions with the receptionist! I can only imagine how long it will take to get a return call.

* I'm getting increasingly stressed out concerning whether to have a CVS, amnio, or either. I'll be 39 in about a week. At my appointment last week, the perinatologist basically said to me, you're 39 here are your two options. (Don't get me wrong, he wasn't mean or rude about it, but he clearly thinks we should do some form of testing.) I was 32 when I had my daughter and I had no risk factors, so we didn't face any of these decisions then. Prior to this, my husband and I had only had theoretical discussions about this stuff and we both always said we definitely want to do something. However, after my appointment I emailed my husband a bunch of information on CVS and Amnio and in the face of the reality of this he completely freaked out. He doesn't usually call me during work hours, but that day we had about 4 phone conversations and then more discussion that night. Though he's always been firmly in the camp of testing, his response was that he is seriously considering that if the NT scan is ok we forgo the CVS/Amnio route because of the risks involved. I was absolutely floored. I've always assumed we'd do one of them, just wasn't sure which, and I really assumed that his stance was firm too. He's possible change of heart has really thrown me for a loop. Given what it's taken for us to get to this point I have no desire to put this pregnancy at any increased risk. On the other hand, no doing the test at my age seems like a big gamble that I don't really want to take. I'm hoping that when we go for the NT scan (he'll be with me this time), we can ask some more questions about both tests and perhaps the doctor can ease his mind about the risks and provide us with additional information that will help us choose (assuming we choose to do anything).

* One positive thing is that it turns out I actually can give myself injections on the left side! So, I'm not stuck repeatedly stabbing myself in my right butt cheek all week, while my husband is out of town. I still don't love doing them myself, but it hasn't been too bad. Oh, except... For those of you who may not know - after injecting the needle for an IM injection the instructions are to withdraw the plunger slightly to check for blood. If you see blood in the syringe, that indicates that you hit a vein, and you have to change needles and find a new site for the injection. Throughout all the IM injections for my 5 fresh IVFs and my FET, not once has there been blood in the syringe. Until Sunday night, the first night I had to do the injections myself. Since I had to redo the delestrogen because of the blood, I ended up having to stab myself 4 times that night (once for the progesterone, once for the lovenox, and twice for the delestrogen.)

* I'm excited that Saturday will be the last day of my progesterone and delestrogen injections. I'm also really nervous that Saturday will be the last day of my progesterone and delestrogen injections. I know the doctors who design the protocal know that they're doing, but so far this pregnancy has been progressing well and I'm more than a bit nervous about doing anything new and different!