Ok, so this is going to be the third post about my daughter and I'm sorry if it's boring as hell. But I suck at keeping a journal and at least this way I'm documenting some stuff for myself for the future. Also, while I think about this pregnancy all the time and have a running dialogue in my head of things that I could write about here, it's pretty much all the same (and even more boring)--still hard to believe it's real; kicking a lot, which reassuring; time feels at a standstill; my back hurts; my ribs hurt; will May EVER get here; blah blah blah...
Anyway, on to the actual post. I never ever thought it was possible to love anything or anybody as much as I do my kid. I'm sure almost any parent would say the same, but it really is indescribable. The funny thing is that I love my parents and I have a really good relationship with them and always have, but still I just can't wrap my brain around the idea that they feel about me the way I feel about my daughter. It's not that intellectually I don't believe it, but, well, it's weird I just can't imagine it. Which is why, when my daughter tells me that she loves me more than I love her (this is sort of silly competition we engage in constantly -- I love you XXX much...) I think to myself "no way in the world!"
The point of all that. Just to say that as much as I love her, there is also no one on this earth who can drive me crazy and frustrate me as much as my own child. She has got to be one of the most stubborn individuals I have ever met. I know that I am not a great disciplinarian (and my husband and I are working very hard these days on that aspect of our relationship with our daughter so she doesn't grow into a true spoiled brat), but while I recognize my own weaknesses as a parent, I truly truly believe that our problems with her behavior are primarily due to her strong-willed nature. (I can only hope that someday she'll apply the same stubborness that drives me crazy to her school work or a sport or something productive!)
This past Tuesday was a particularly trying day. My husband is out of town, it was a teacher workday to begin with and I was working from home so we got out of the house quite late, and then she came home early from school due to bad weather. My husband and I often refer to her as Jekyll and Hyde because her behavior is so variable, but disruptions to our regular schedule and long stretches at home never bode well for her behavior. So, I should have been prepared for it, but as the day went on I didn't handle her attitude at all well and that just made things worse. Nevertheless, in true Jekyll and Hyde style she did have some great moments and fortunately I have photos to remind myself that the day wasn't all bad. I had previously promised her that we could make a cake and surprise my husband with it when he got home from his trip. So, we made the cake and she decorated it (I helped with about 1/2 of the letters, but the rest was all her) for her daddy.
Then she made him a special welcome home picture, which might just be one my favorite pictures of hers ever and she draws A LOT!
And of course the best part of any day with her is bedtime. Prepping for bed may not always be the best, but our regular routine includes snuggle time once the lights are out. She will even forgo stories or dessert if we're running late so that we can have our snuggle time. Sometimes, if she's not too sleepy, snuggle time includes talking and laughing and silliness, but last night she was sleepy and so she curled up right next to me and was quiet except for frequently telling me "mommy I love you". No better way to end a day than that!