Confused

So I lied yesterday, I guess I do have some things left to say.

I called the clinic today to make my "what now?" appointment with my RE and was shocked that they were able to fit me in next Wednesday! I'm not a patient person, so on the one hand I'm glad there won't be a long wait to figure out what, if anything, we do next. On the other hand, I really wasn't expecting to be having that conversation so soon and so it just feels a little weird. I feel as though I've barely begun to process this latest failure -- I haven't even gotten my period yet for Gds sake! -- and now I already need to start thinking rationally about what to do next. Hubby and I have agreed that we will at least make one more attempt with our blastosicles (assuming of course that doctor doesn't tell us to just throw in the towel), but after that I don't know. My emotional state and our doctor's recommendations aside (though they are of course two very large factors), we are limited by finances. We only have one more cycle covered by insurance, our insurance won't cover a FET, and I don't know how much they'll charge for the FET. Also, I wrote a check the other day that increased our home equity line debt by a huge chuck because we needed a certified check to include with our FINALLY complete dossier, which we will send via UPS to the adoption agency this afternoon.

The adoption stuff also has me feeling an emotional wreck. We're probably now looking at a 2 1/2 year (minimum) wait to be matched. The idea of having to continue waiting and to continue feeling like my life is on hold makes me sick to my stomach. I'm excited that we're finally going to submit, but honestly, if I could travel back in time to late last summer I would almost certainly press for us to go with a country with a shorter wait time. Oh well, I guess it gives us alot of time to save up money, leave, and to plan for our trip to China.